


Mother, Mother

by cryingdrama3



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Be More Chill - Freeform, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Boyfriends, Child Abuse, Could Be Canon, Dark Theme, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Heavy Angst, M/M, Musical References, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Sad Michael, Teen Angst, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-02-08 12:04:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12864138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryingdrama3/pseuds/cryingdrama3
Summary: An Au in which the Squip takes form of Jeremy's mother.This is the musical version, all rights to Joe Iconis.{Trigger warning: implies drug use, attempted rape, sex, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, abuse, abusive mother, emotional manipulation, alcohol, abuse, death threats, emotional abuse}





	1. More Than Survive

**Author's Note:**

> All rights to the creator of the musical. i only made the fanfic. Also, this story contains dark themes. Read at your own discretion.

The picture frame suddenly became heavier in Jeremy's hand. A empty yet present feeling made his head feel as if it was filled with sand.

A knock on his door made his flinch, almost dropping the picture frame. "Jeremy!" his dad's voice rang into his ears. "Michael is waiting downstairs for you!"

Jeremy yelled out, "Coming!" He runs his hands on his cheeks, salty tears cool on his boiling hands. Before stuffing the picture into his shirt drawer, he looked at it. It was him, his dad (wearing pants surprisingly) and his mother at the park downtown.

His mother, wearing a large sun hat and a sun dress to match, smiled at the camera as she hugs Jeremy and had her hand on his dad's shoulder. A sad smile tugs on Jeremy's face. He has her smile.

He throws the picture into the drawer and closes it shut. Grabbing the six hundred dollar and stuffing it into his pocket, Jeremy Heere is out the door.

***  
When his dad said that Michael was downstairs, he really meant that he was outside of the house in his red PT Cruiser, honking loudly.

Jeremy could hear him as he was walking down the stairs. He was called out a good-bye when he over heard his dad talking on the phone.

"...Look, I know that but-- what do you mean that you won't come over to sign them? You want me to go someplace that I don't know-- No, La-- no. I can't believe you, Jesus Christ..."

The young teenager looked down at his shoes. Mr. Heere continues: "The last thing I want is my son-- my son -- to know that I left the house for you...

"Oh, no. Now you listen to me, Jeremy is my son. You lost the right to call him your son the moment you walked out of the damn house... Now you're asking why I won't let you see him? Ha! Maybe because I don't want him to meet his pathetic excuse of a mother! Good-bye!"

Mr. Heere slammed the phone down and sighed. He was going to call for Jeremy when he heard the front door was shut closed. Loudly. All he could do is stare at the door as he saw the PT Cruiser drive off.

***

Bob Marley's voice was blasting when Jeremy crawled into the car. Michael's car smelled like weed, three days old pizza, and burnt plastic for some strange reason. Usually, Jeremy would complain about it, then Michael would argue back and so on and so on. But today, he didn't have the will power to do it. Jeremy just looked out the window, silent but in his head his dad's voice rang into his ears.

The car stopped for a red light. Three more red lights and then they'll be at the mall. Michael shut off the music and looked at Jeremy. "Hey," he said. "You alright? Why so blue, Jer?" Michael then reached over to pinch on Jeremy's cheek. He winced and pushed Michael's hand away as he snorted.

"Nothing, really." Beat. "Hey, Michael?"

"Hmm?" he hummed as he took a sip of his slushie.

"Do your parents ever...fight?" Jeremy knew that Michael's parents were the embodiment of good parenting. His mother was beautiful with a great sense of style and humor while his dad was witty and kinda old fashion but still very open and one might say, liberal.

Michael's face went serious and then said, "Yeah, but it's mostly petty stuff. Like, 'why did you leave the toilet seat up?' or 'why can't you just agree with my mother?' Stuff like that. Then they give each other the silent treatment for like three hours but then make up just in time for dinner.

"But it's actually really funny. They both refuse to speak in English when they argue. My mother curses him out in Philipino while my dad in Spanish. They both understand each other and refuse to change into the same language. But they always make up."

Jeremy had been staring at Michael as he spoke. He couldn't help to feel slightly jealous about his parents. Michael's parents were something from a fairy tale.

His parents met when Michael's dad was in the army, and he was trying to earn some service benefits and health insurance as he just moved to America from Ecuador. So he was drafted to the Philippines, that's where he met Michael's mother. She was a waitress in a little restaurant. He fell in love with her right at the spot.

"What is this about, Jer?" Michael's voice snapped Jeremy from his haze. He was staring again. He shook his head. Was it normal to stare at someone who's face has been carved into your brain?

Jeremy opened his mouth. "I think my dad was talking over the phone with my mother... I think they're gonna sign the divorce papers. Today."

The red light turned green. The sun was covered by a large gray cloud. It's going to rain. "Oh," his best friend was speechless. He didn't know what to say. "Dude, can I ask you something?" Jeremy had a feeling that the next few words that they were going to exchange will be painfully simple yet harming. Some food for thought.

"Yes," he said.

Michael said, "If your mother doesn't sign those papers, if your parents make up, if everything settled-- would you forgive your mother?"

Fire replaced the blood in his veins. It was so painful but he loved it. It was the sense of satisfaction of the aftermath. The after pain was so beautifully toxic. Just like his mother. "To be totally honest, if my mother knocked on my door in the middle of the night..." A stone behind his Adam's apple. Boiling tears behind his eyes. Tick, goes the light when it turned green. Two more stops before they're at the mall. "Oh, Michael, how can I do that to my mother? She... I..."

A pain hit him in the face, it shot right through his head. As if someone reached to his face and pulled his eye out of it's socket and it pulled back into his head like a rubber band. Jeremy's ear ringed. Pat. It was a drop of water on the windshield. The sprinklers turned on on the house that were near them. Schit-schit-schit. A horrid taste gathered in his throat. It was like the taste of gasoline. Empty and hollow yet sour and gag-indulging. Boom, goes his heart, boom, boom. (Beat)

Pat. Schit-schit-schit. Boom, boom, boom. Beat. Pat. Schit-schit-schit. Boom, boom, boom. Beat. Pat. Schit-schit-schit. Boom, boom, boom. Beat.

"I... I--" Pat. Pat. Pat. Pat. It's raining. Patpatpatpatpatpat. Jeremy expected it to be just a drizzle. No.

"Would you?"

Patpatpatpatpatpatpatpatpatpat. Schit-schit-schit. Schit-schit-schit. Schit-schit-schit. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

"Yes."

***

The pill was a light minty green, it seemed to match with the Mountain Dew that Michael bought. Their color seemed to dance and fuse together nicely-- it was eerie and uncomfortable.

"I hope you're worth the four hundred dollars," Jeremy said to the pill, as if it could hear him.

"Four hundred and one." Michael said, sitting across from him. They were in the mall's food court after they got the pill from the creepy stock guy. "Don't forget the Mountain Dew."

He gulped. "If this is real...my whole life could change." Beat. "We should split it. You helped me get it. We should benefit, right?"

His best friend shook his head. A sad and pitiful smile made his face glow a light that seemed to match the situation beautifully. "I don't think it works that way. Besides, I like knowing that when you're cool, you'll owe me."

Jeremy wanted to protest and to split the pill with him, but Michael's eyes said the contrary. He looked at the pill in his hand and then back at his friend. "All right," he gulped. "Here goes...everything."

He placed the pill on his tongue and opens the Mountain Dew to swallow it with. Squeezing his eyes shut, Jeremy expected a feeling. Nothing.

"How does it taste?" asks Michael. He's been staring closely at Jeremy's face, expecting something to pop up. Behind his glasses, his eyes filled with wonder, his gaze soft but also with an undertone of expectancy.

Smacking his lips and tongue to make the flavor pop in, Jeremy said, "Minty."

Michael leaned closer to his face. "How do you feel?"

Jeremy gathered all of his energy, thoughts, and emotions. "Like..." he took a long pause. "...a chump" he sighed.

Genuinely suprised, Michael asked: "Nothing? At all? Try to say something cool."

Jeremy did try and even hoped for it, even it was stupid and a part of him was even ready to scowl him for it. "I think I just blew my bar mitzvah money for a Wintergreen tic-tac." He sighed and put his hand in his hair and his elbow on the table and looked down at his lap.

"Yeahh..." his best friend winced from the indirect pain. "Not cool." Michael pulled back and sat back down in his chair.

The chilli fries right in front of Jeremy suddenly seemed somewhat pleasant to cry over. "Please leave me alone to mourn over my chilli fries," he picked up the plastic and stabbed it into the fries, "forever."

Michael stood up and pushed his chair back in again. "Five minutes," he said.

Jeremy slid the hand from his hair and down to his chin to look up at him. "Where are you going?"

A stupid yet pleasant smile split across Michael's brown face, he showed off his white teeth. Jeremy could remember the times back in middle school when he wore large red braces. "Check it out. Guy at Spencer's Gifts is hooking me up with a case of Crystal Pepsi. It's like regular Pepsi-- but clear!" He chuckled lightly but full of joy and simple pleasures.

Jeremy's eyebrows knitted in confusion. "Wasn't that discontinued in the 90s?"

"That's what makes it so awesome!" cheered Michael like a child on Christmas morning before running off. Jeremy was going to call out to ask some more info but he lost his red-hoodie-wearing friend in the crowd of mall people.

***

"Wait!... I have something to tell you." Those words flew out of his mouth faster than he could panic about them. He had his heart in his throat, he felt as if it was going to crawl up his throat and out of his mouth and onto the mall floor.

"Now?" Jake's eyes were digging into Jeremy's skin.

"I... I..." the words didn't gather in Jeremy's brain. It felt as if he was in the eye of the hurricane. He felt something horrible. It was that feeling before something bad is going to happen. It was that instinct of freezing up before sprinting as fast as you could from the beast.

Out of no where, Jeremy flinched and winced from a sudden pain in his head. It felt like his brain was being pulled and his skull followed it. It was worst than any migraine he has ever felt. "OWWW!" he yelled, holding his head, expecting it to be falling from his neck.

A voice then rang in his ear. "Target female: inaccesable." The voice was blasting in his head and that was all he could hear, it was...strange. Not only because there was a voice in his head that he was sure that he was the only one he could hear but the fact that the voice started male, the androgynous, and then female. "OW! What the HELL?"

The voice continued. "Calibration in process. Please excuse some mild discomfort."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "MILD?!?"

"Calibration complete. Acces procedure initiated."

The pain dulled down and stood up almost straight even though he was still holding his head. "No, wait, I'm fine, I just--"

"Discomfort level may increase."

Jeremy then screamed from the top of his lungs. God, was it painful as hell. It feels like every cell in his body was set on fire. Electricity ran through his nerves. And all of his veins turned into hard cold stone. He wonders how all of the people were reacting at this. Were they going to call an ambulance? The police? The U.S Government?

"Accessing: neural memory. Accessing: muscle memory. Access procedure: complete. Jeremy Heere..."

The pain fell into almost nonexistent state but Jeremy had trouble seeing and even standing up. He was on the mall floor, he looked up and he froze.

"Welcome to your Super Quantum Intel Processor," it seemed to smile. "Your SQUIP."


	2. The Squip Enters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy's first moments with the Squip

Jeremy's head still ached that there were tears in his eyes as he stared up at what was his Squip. But he couldn't believed it, he blinked hard but he still saw the Squip.

"You... You look like my mother," he stuttered as he stood up from the mall floor. And it was true. The Squip was in the form of his mother and wore exactly what she was wearing in the picture. 

A black sun dress with a charcoal black ribbon on her waist which she personally sewed on and a black sun hat that matches perfectly and nicely against her dark brown hair pulled back in a tight bun but stray strands hovered around her face. Jeremy can recall the make-up his mother wore that day-- he plays that day over and over again in his head, still holding onto the dying memory of him and his family being happy. Or maybe they were never happy?

The Squip smirked, red lipstick on his mother's lips. "My default mode. You can also set me for: Keanu Reeves, Sean Connery, Jack Nicholson, Sexy Anime Girl/Boy."

Jeremy's hands began to sweat, he whipped his hands on his jeans. "Mo...Mother's fine." He looked around, "Can everyone see you?"

The Squip shook it's head. "I only exist in your mind. All they see is you, having an animated conversation with yourself. So don't do that. Just think at me. Telepathically."

"Like X-Men?" he asked stupidly.

It sighed and face palmed, showing off the fact that it even wore something similar --or even exact-- to Jeremy's mother's wedding ring. "I see this is going to be difficult. You want to be more chill." 

He raised an eyebrow. "You mean cool." 

"I do not." The Squip said, "Human social activity is governed by rules and I have the processing capacity to understand those rules. And pass them on to you."

Words spiralled inside of his brain due to shock and disbelief, it didn't help that the one who was scolding him wore his mother's face. He blinked hard, "C-Can I ask you something?" The Squip put attention. "Can you, er, mimic my mother's voice and actions?"

It genuinely looked suprised by the question, the computer then took a moment to answer. "Will it help me help you?"

Jeremy bit his lower lip and nodded shyly. The Squip hummed, "Very well then." It closed it's eyes and he heard whirring noises, the sound of those 90s computers when they were turning on. "Accessing memory of: Jeremy Heere. Subject: childhood, more specifically: his mother. Pronouns: she/her." After another half a minutes of whirring sounds, the Squip opened it's eyes to show them glowing a light green-ish blue with code numbers scrolling down. "Download complete. Subject: La--" the Squip glitched, making Jeremy winced a bit at the light sting in his stomach. "Heere. Wife of Jacob Heere and mother of Jeremy Heere." Then, the Squip shut off.

Frozen, Jeremy stared and almost screamed when the Squip suddenly turned on. She blinked twice before smiling, "Jerry! Look at you, you look so tall and skinny. I'm going to fix that later, my dear." The Squip then put her hand on Jeremy's cheek and the other on his shoulder. The moment they touched, there was a light buzzing against his skin. It was nothing like the touch his mother had. 

Beat.

"Now, let's get to work, my dear." The Squip took her hands off of Jeremy and then poked him in the side, making him spasm a bit. "Get your hands out of your pockets. Arch your back and puff out your chest. Add some rhythm to your step, my boy. You look like a masturbator."

That last comment made him blush a bright red. "Er, I am a masturbator--"

"We'll fix that," she said as she ruffled his hair even if there was no actual physical effect. "All your nerdiness isn't, er, exactly attractive, Jerry."

He was suprised that she had said that. "I thought I was more of a geek--"

"All of your stammering is a chore-- more chores you've done, child." She snorted and laughed into the palm of her hand. 

A sudden pang of heartbreak hit him in the chest. "Wh-Wh-What?"

She stopped laughed, her piercing gray eyes, which Jeremy inherited but with a hint of more nervousness weaved into his look, burning into him. "Your tics and fidgets are persistent and your charm is almost non-existent. Fix the vibe you give off, then fix some more." 

When the Squip insulted and pointed out his awkward charm, Jeremy suddenly felt like rolling up in a ball. He hunched his back and was ready to slip his hands into his pocket when he felt a hard and painful strike hit him on his back. It turns out that she materialized a rolled up newspaper and hit him with it, "Buh." She warned, glaring into him. 

"Wha?" he asked, confused.

"Buh," she said again. Jeremy was 67% sure that she was gonna grab his upper arm and squeeze it until she leave marks. But she glared a last warning. 

"Wha?"

"No," she hissed and then hit him with the rolled up newspaper on the head. Hard. He felt tears gather behind his eyes when he bit his tongue. But it also sent a strong shock of electricity all throughout his body, making him actually yelp.

"AHH!" he yelled but she then hit him harder in the stomach to make him shut up. 

"Stop," she warned. Her eyes turned from his mother's light and icy blue into the computer code. Jeremy gulped, in fear he croaked out an 'uhh.'

"Oh God, everything about you is so terrible. You make me embarrassed to even having you." Before walking away a bit, Jeremy swore that he heard her mutter something under her breath about running off. 

A sick taste gathered in his mouth, almost glueing his tongue to the roof of his mouth. 

"But don't freak out," she said as she turned back to see his face. Her eyes went back to normal but when Jeremy blinked he could imagine it too clearly. She tapped the tip of his nose, "And don't resist. And have no doubt about me. I'm here to make you better, so don't be scared of me. I would never hurt you." She smiled at him as she held his chin gently but firmly. "Understand, my boy? I need you to say yes or no."

"Yes," he nodded and croaked. He felt so scared. This...thing has his mother's face and that made him more and more anxious.

She smiled. "Good. You will be more chill." She patted his head.

Subconsciously, he began to slouch. This caused him to have a shock go through his body. It made his heart slam against his ribcage and a slight tug but painful tug on the top of his stomach. "Ow! Did you just...shock me?" 

She glared and there was a moment where her eyes turned into the code numbers. "You were slouching," she almost-hissed. Then her eyes turned soft far too quickly for her to not freak out Jeremy. She looked up and down on him, "Let's see here. Oh! Let's find you a new shirt."

The idea that your mother is going to buy you a shirt is pretty embarrassing, but then realization sank in. "What's wrong with my--"

The Squip hushed him. "Please just comply with me, my dear. I'm here to color your aesthetic and in the process, to make you seem so much less pathetic." She paused, "Oh! That rhymed!"

Jeremy walked around the mall and found a store seemed to give off a popular vibe. He walked in with the Squip following him. She didn't exactly walk. Sometimes she did, her heels clicking on the floor. But sometimes she seemed to float from the floor as if she was a ghost. Jeremy found the irony in that too amusing considering the situation. 

He looked at some shirts and then he almost jumped when he heard the Squip say, "Pick that one." He picked it up and it had a picture of Eminem. 

"It has a picture of Eminem," he said, wanting to be sure that she was sure.

The Squip scoffed, "If you're so smart why did you get me anyways?" 

"Do people still listen to Eminem?" he asked, looking up at her (she was hovering over his right shoulder).

"I'm not sure," she said. "But he's aesthetically pleasing for his hard face and language. He is called 'brave' and 'daring'. He's been called 'revolutionary starter'. It's very flattering in the modern world." 

Jeremy asked, "What if someone quizzes me about his music?"

She simply answered, "Leave that to me."

He then tested her quick and witty answers by asking: "How are you with math homework?"

The Squip have him a look. "I might be your mother but i am still a super computer, Jeremy. I'm made of math." Her sarcasm made his shut up very quickly, he continued to look around the store. Then, a guy walked past him. He was skinny and tall, his hair was curly and it was set to the side as bangs. He had a nice smile. Jeremy's heart skipped a beat when he walked past him. The guy had just bought something; a red velvet jacket. Jeremy's eyes followed the guy and he turned around to see him smile at Jeremy. His heart almost jumped out his chest.

He was snapped out his blushing haze when he felt something hit his head. "Ouch! What was that for?"

She glared at him, her eyes turned into the code numbers again. He looked back down in fear of what she might do. The Squip had her feet on the ground, her heels was clicking as she tapped her foot. "Jeremiah, listen to me. Concentrate. You are doing this for Christine, remember?" He had forgotten about her, even that's why he got the Squip in the first place. He felt himself suddenly have a loose of heartbeat at the mention of her name. When he first fell for her, he couldn't stop smiling at the mention of her name or blush when he saw her walking down the hallway. Now, he forgot about her. 

She crossed her arms and was tapping her foot; distant memories of Jeremy getting into trouble and seeing her standing in the doorway with her curlers, a robe, and her slippers. His mother was always like that-- dramatic but she meant well. Did she really? 

"Don't lie to me, I'm inside your brain. So tell me or I'll force it out of you," she hissed. Jeremy wanted to burst out crying and yell at the top of his lungs. He just squeezed his eyes shut and went silent. "Fine! Just pick out a shirt." He was so sure that one little thing might blow her up.

The Squip was pissed, and she let him know it by glaring at him. Her eyes whose were filled with numbers but they were slowly turning red. 

Jeremy scrambled and picked up a random shirt from a table. It was white with red and blue strips-- it looked nice in Jeremy's opinion. Something he would wear. 

He heard the Squip sigh, "That's a girl's shirt, Jeremy." His face turned red and he was ready to walk away and throw the shirt onto the table when he bumped into someone.

"Sorry..." He felt another jolt. "OW!"

"Postured," warned the Squip. Jeremy straightened his back and felt it crack a bit. 

"...Jerry?" He knew that voice, he hears it in the hallway when it gossips with Jenna Rolland. It was Chloe's voice.

With a pink face and heat going to the tip of his ears, he corrected shyly: "Uh, Jeremy."

Chloe looked as pretty as she always has been since freshman year. With her navy blue dress, colorful jacket and highlights in her hair. She will always be attractive to him. "You shop here?" Chloe has some items of clothings drapped over her forearms, she clearly has shopped her all the time. 

Making up a lie on the spot is hard for Jeremy, but when you're flustered, it's a challenge. "Oh yeah all time--"

"Never. Don't lie to her." the Squip says, her eyes turning back to the familiarity of Jeremy's mother's. "Girls hate it when they're lie to. So don't lie." 

"Never is what I meant to say..." he smiled awkwardly but then he went back to just having a dull face, anxiety plastered all of his face.

The Squip put a hand on his shoulder, she guestured with her chin. She was hovering again. "Greet the friend."

He looked at Brooke and said, "Oh. Hey, Brooke." 

"'You look beautiful'," she said it in a tone that meant that she wanted him to say it. 

Jeremy stopped himself from slouching by jolting himself up. Not because the Squip shocked it, but because of suprise. "I can't say that a pretty girl!" The Squip hit him with the newspaper. "Ow!"

The computer hovered over his shoulder, she then whispered, "Smile. Stare gently but not too gently. Speak like you don't want to melt ice with your words."

Taking her advice, Jeremy flirted. "You look beautiful, Brooke." And it worked. She blushed and was very flattered by his compliment that she squeaked out a tiny 'thanks.' He flashed her a smile.

But Chloe hasn't been effected by his flirting, and she even grew jealous by his actions towards her very close friend. "Is that a girl's shirt?" she pointed it out by gesturing the shirt in Jeremy's hands.

"No," he squeaked in a moment of panic.

"Yes," the Squip said. 

Trusting the computer, he repeated after her. "I mean, yes."

The Squip put her feet on the floor and then held Jeremy's wrist as she stepped behind him. "Repeat after me..." 

"You see," he began to copy tje words from her mouth, it was as if he was a puppet and she was pulling all of his strings. "I saw it at the window and I couldn't dismiss. I was dating a girl and she had a shirt just like this... It's still painful..." 

Chloe leaned foward, trying to spot the lie. "So who was this mystery girl?"

With the Squip still controlling him, she continue: "You've probably never met her before."

Brooke then leaned in with Chloe. "Why not, Jerry?" The nickname made his stomach churn. He sighed and felt the Squip let go of him. She whispered a 'go ahead; use what I've thought you'. 

"You just haven't," he says while putting on a sad face that would be believable to them. "I still miss her. I really did like her, I fell so hard for her. She was everything I wanted and more. So much more. But I wasn't for her. So she left me." Even Jeremy started to believe the lie he was making up, he felt tears gather behind his eyes. He tried to imagine this fantasy girl but everytime he blinked, he saw Michael with his stupid but happy smile. His heart skipped a beat too hard to consider 'just a pang of attractiveness' like the guy that smiled at him in the store. It was more. "I really thought I was over her. But then again, I see her everywhere. It's more painful to stay than to leave because you walk past the places that you left your memory together on. She might not be with me right now but I see her everywhere. And I can't keep a part of her in my life. I just can't." 

He felt a hand on his cheek, he thought it was the Squip but the feeling of it was not a buzzing and artificial touch but an actual human touch. He looked up and saw that Chloe was the one who's hand was on his cheek. "I'm so sorry to hear that."

Brooke then hugged his left arm, pressing her cheek against his upper arm. "Hey, do you wanna ride?"

The voice of the Squip startled him into flinching. She whispered into his ear like the snake whispering to Eve to sin. She said:

"This is your chance, my dear."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had to ask my friend (whom is in love with Eminem) how she would describe him. Also, Jeremy's monologue is part of my own experience with heartbreak so fuck gently with a chainsaw, folks.
> 
> All credit goes to the creators of Be More Chill. I just wrote the fanfic.


	3. Keen Royalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing from Chapter 2. Jeremy will learn about who the Squip is and new people

"What just happened?" When he asked that, the Squip smiled. A smile of a mother when her child asks a silly question about the world around him.

"Most girls find sensitivity as a sign that you're a great listener, and that's what girls want." The Squip says, standing next to Brooke, who was still hugging his arm. Jeremy was ready to say something when Chloe said:

"Ugh! The nerve of that girl; you deserve better than that, Jerry." Chloe then took his hand and stood on the opposite side of him. 

Brooke nodded, "I agree. You seem like a nice guy and you're way better off with us."

Jeremy's face went bright red at the sudden praise and attention that was given to him. Let alone from two very attractive girls with power in the school. He felt Chloe's hand go inside his hair, her long acrylic nails dragging themselves against his scalp. "Yeah, let's get out of here."

He turned to look at the Squip. She said, "Brooke is going to offer you a ride. You need to accept."

Speaking of Brooke, her arms snaked themselves around Jeremy's waist. Leaning in almost too close to not make him nervous, she whispered: "So, do you wanna ride?"

He felt the Squip take a bit of control, she whispered 'yes', making his mouth utter the word. Fortunately (?) he snapped out of it and was able to move away from the girls' grip. "Yes... But I'm supposed to meet my friend, Michael." Michael's face jumped into his memory when he blinked, a sudden emotions in his chest and beating heart. 

Both of the girls' face looked disappointed at his answer, that it made him feel a little bit guilty. "Oh..."

The Squip the hovered over him and she scowled him, "Jeremy, if this is going to work you have to do what I tell you to do."

Brooke leaned in and tried again, trying to seduce him into giving in. "Jermy... Do you wanna ride? We kinda live far. Come on, get inside my car-- well, my mother's car. We're just going home. Please don't say no, Jerry. We're gonna be home in a snatch, but there's a catch." She fluttered her eyelashed. "Let's go stop for frozen yogurt first."

Then Chloe started to do it. Pressuring him into it. He subconsciously took a step back as the girls took a step foward. Jeremy looked past them and saw the Squip, making his stomach churn at the thought that this computer has his mother's face. A knot gathered in his throat. His mother was supposed to protect him but she was just standing there. Watching as these girls harrassed him. He wanted to hide in the bathroom and cry until he felt numb. 

Jeremy felt so embarrassed and so uncomfortable. He then cracked out an excuse with all of the power he had left in him. He was shaking when he said only above a whisper, "I... Next time. I-I promise." 

Chloe puffed out, giving up, "Whatever." She was ready to walk off when Brooke hanged back to say: "My boyfriend cheated on me too. Well, ex-boyfriend. So I know how you feel, Jeremy." She smiled at him and then Chloe called for her. "Au Revoir," Brooke giggled and winked as she blew a kiss at him.

They were gone. Leaving Jeremy shaking in fear. He hugged himself, his shaking frame. Pressing his skin against his bones in fear of falling off. "I need to find Michael..." he muttered. He left the shirt in the store and ran off.

In a robotic and computer-like voice, the Squip said, "Michael has left the mall." 

Jeremy froze. "How do you know?"

The Squip stood next to him and smiled too-nicely. "I can tap into the security cameras of the mall." 

A shiver went down his spine when she said that, but he was actually creeped out as she put her hands on his shoulders. Jeremy took a step foward, away from her grasp. "How am I supposed to get home now?"

The Squip looked slightly mad when he moved away from her grasp but she didn't say anything. "That's why I told you to get a ride with the girls. You have to listen to me or this will never work, Jerry." 

He sighed and walked away while the Squip followed him as she ranted. He was so tired and irritated and nervous that he wanted to just sleep for a long time. Jeremy was covering his face with both of his hands, not seeing where he was going-- he bumped into someone.

"Shit!" he cussed as he fell onto the floor and hit his face against the mall floor. Jeremy felt like crying right there and now. He picked up himself a bit, rubbing his forehead. 

"This is why you have to listen to me," the Squip says, not helping him up. He glared at her. 

Then, someone said: "Oh my God. Lemme help you up." The person offered him their hand. Jeremy took it as he coughed and then-- he froze. It was the guy at the store who smiled at him. He was so much handsome up close.

The guy's curls was parted on one side to slightly cover his right eye. His hair was a brown that made Jeremy question if it was black or a really dark brown. The guy's skin was a nice milky white and had small beauty marks all over his face. One on his cheekbone, one on his cheek, one right above his upper lip, and some sprinkled on his collarbone and neck. He was oh so beautiful. "Hey, you okay?"

Jeremy blinked and snapped out of it. "Oh..." he blushed a bright red. "S-So-Sorry..." 

***

"Jeremy!" Michael said as he held a packet of Pepsi Crystal under his arm. The guy at Spencer's gift was nice enough to give him a discount. He thought that maybe he had to give him a blowjob for that but, hey, he wouldn't mind it though. 

He walked around the mall looking for Jeremy. He wasn't at the food court or anyplace on the second floor, so he began to look around the first floor and then, Michael saw him.

"Jeremy! Dude, I--" he froze when he saw him holding a guys hand. Michael's heart dropped to his shoes and the floor underneath him vanished and he was falling. He felt everything go numb; a cold feeling rushed into him and spread across his body. A knot in his stomach when Michael blinked, and Jeremy's outline made a loud shatter in his chest.

Steps left his memory as he found himself back in his car, hand over his mouth, salty tears in his eyes. 

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw a woman sitting in the passenger seat where Jeremy was supposed to be. Michael couldn't see her. She seemed to be a blurry picture. 

Poor, pathetic boy...

***

There was something in his eyes that caught Jeremy off-guard. They were magnificent and oh so beautiful that made his eyes tear up. The guy's eyes seemed to match with his hair. Not black but almost not a dark brown. 

Lost in his gaze, Jeremy suddenly snapped out of it. He realized that he was still holding the guy's hand so he pulled away and wips his hand against his jeans. "S-Sorry." 

The guy smiled, "It's alright." He picked up a couple of the things he dropped. Three bags full of stuff. One was from a store that Jeremy didn't even realized existed in this mall, the second one was of the store where they both locked eyes in, and third seemed to be of a book store. "I hope I didn't hurt you."

Jeremy felt something hit him in the ribs, the Squip. "Smile." He did as he was told. "Good. Now listen to me--"

He ignored her and smiled at the guy. "M-Me neither." He pushed a lock of his own hair away from his ear awkwardly. Jeremy then felt a jolt, powerful enough to make him wince in pain. "Ow!" he turned to see the Squip glaring daggers into him.

The guy's face the turned into something of worrisome. "Are you okay?" 

Jeremy rubbed his forehead with his index finger and thumb. The Squip was causing him a headache that was basically killing him. "Y-Yeah. I--" he was cut off by the pain getting stronger and the headache became almost pulsing. The feeling in Jeremy's legs is suddenly gone, tumbling down. The guy was lucky enough to catch him before hitting the floor again. What was it with Jeremy and falling on the floor today? 

"Hey hey, you alright?" the guy says. In the position they were in made red grow up his neck onto Jeremy's face. He looked like his Prince Charming. His heart caught in his throat. In his head, he was panicking. 

Jeremy twisted his neck to see the Squip, she was glaring with her arms crossed over her chest. "I'm not going to help you in this situation, Jeremy. I'm going to watch until you come to your senses and you'll see what you really want." 

The guy pushed him up but still held onto him to keep his balance. "You need a drink? You came alone?"

With a pink face and heat in the tip of his ears, Jeremy nodded but then paused before later on shaking his head. "I-I did bu-but they kinda left me. And I don't blame them."

The guy's face slowly turned into something of pity. "They were your ride, weren't they?" Jeremy bit his lip and saw the Squip looking at him with no expression on her face-- waiting. He then nodded pathetically in shame before hunging his head down.

When Jeremy was ready to let tears spill he felt a hand on his cheek, lifting his head up. The guy smiled at him sweetly. "I'll be your ride. But I first have to tell my friends." 

The Squip gave back Jeremy control of his legs to follow the guy. Stumbling, Jeremy saw the Squip following him as he followed the beautiful stranger. "I'm willing to watch you mess up," she whispered into his ear. "The satisfaction of you crawling back to me will be something I will never forget." 

The stranger then held Jeremy's hand as they walked into the elevator, his stuff in the other hand. Shyly, Heere looked down at the hand and then back up at him. He smiled, making his heart beat faster as if it was jumping rope in his chest. 

The elevator stopped and they walked out back to the food court. The handsome stranger then walked towards a table with four people. Two girls and two guys. 

"Hey, guys," the guy says as he stops in front of the table. All of the faces turn to face them, Jeremy was ready to run but was stopped when he felt the guy's hand clasp on Jeremy's shoulder. "This is... Uh..."

"Jeremy," he blurted out. 

The guy smile. "This is Jeremy. He needs a ride home. His ride bailed on him. I hope that's alright with you, Ella." He spoke to one of the girls. She was short and chubby with wavy blonde hair that was pushed back with a pretty pink headband. 

The girl smiled, "It's alright. But I think that it's inappropriate that we don't introduce ourself to him." She then later kicked on of the guys at the table under it. 

The guy winced at the pain of the kick. He was handsome but not as much as the guy that was touching Jeremy. He had jet black hair and a expensive looking jacket with a crown stitched on. "Ouch! What the fuck, Ella?" She glared at him, as if telling to be a gentleman. He sighed. "Fine, whatever, sugar cakes."

Standing up, the guy in the jacket cleared his throat before saying: "Hello. This is our friend group as you have the displeasure of meeting." The other girl, who was sitting next to him, well more like sitting on him, punched his arm. He didn't do anything but slightly winced at the punch but he continued. "I'm Jordan," he put his hand on his chest over his heart. "That's Ella," he pointed at the chubby blonde, she waved at Jeremy while he just cracked a half awkward smile. "That's Needles," Jordan pointed at the second guy at the table besides him. He was short but barely taller than Ella, he had ugly blonde hair and a slightly hooked and crooked nose and peach fuzz that needed to grow to be considered stubble but it seemed as if that's not going to be enough. Jeremy wondered why he was called by that. "This is Angelica but we call her Peep." He guestured at the girl that was sitting on him. She was black and was wearing bright bubblegum pink lipstick. Jordan then pointed at the handsome stranger. "And that's Anthony but we call him BB."

"What does it stand for?" Jeremy asked. Then, all of them burst into giggles and chuckles. 

Utterly confused and scared, Jeremy looked at his shoes. When the rest stopped laughing, BB said: "It's a long story but we all have nicknames. Such as Ella--"

"My nickname is 'short cakes' because I love to bake and I'm short." She said proudly, "But Jordan likes to call me 'sugar cakes'--"

"Because it's hella cute!" Jordan said. Peep giggled a bit. "But they call me Pawn sometimes. You may be asking yourself why, well because I have a pawn tattoo." He pulled the collar of his shirt to show the stick-poke tattoo of a pawn, the one's you see on the a chessboard. Jeremy got flashbacks of Michael showing off the Pac-Man tattoo inside his left upper arm. He never seen someone cry tears of joy before that. 

Peep then tried to say something. "It's a su...su...se...pssuno--" she had an accent that Jeremy hasn't ever heard before. 

"Pseudonym," Needles said for her. (Peep mutters a thank you at him) "It's our Pseudonym if we ever get in trouble. Because which officer would write 'Peep' or 'Short Cakes' in their report?" The group of friends laughed a bit, as if sharing a shared memory. Inside joke, Jeremy realized. "Oh, yes. I forgot. They call me 'Needles' because there was a point where my hair was silver and they called me that. I'm also like to sew." He smiled as he pointed at his scarf that was really just sewn together peices of scrap cloth. 

"And me?" Peep said, mouthful of her accent. "Because that was our first word to each other. Me to the group of course." Jeremy raised an eyebrow and she continued. "I moved to America from Brazil. First in New York but then down here in New Jersey. They tried to talk to me as I was the new student but I was too shy and was embarrassed of my accent. I speak Portuguese and Spanish, so I hunged around the Latinx kids. But people would question it so here I am!" She grins, showing her white teeth with a gap in between her two front teeth. "Ella tried to talk to me first but I would just run off. The rest then tried, in a moment of fear, I let out a peep."

"Literally," the rest said in unison.

Jeremy smiled at this. "Miss your Player One, kiddo?" the Squip says into his ear. He shook her words out of his head. He then turned at BB. "What about you? What does it stand for?" 

BB smiled. "'Bruise Baby'," he says. "I bruise easily. That's why I, um..." He pulled the hem of his shirt to show him side, this made Jeremy blush a bright red but also feel sorry as he saw his side was bruised. Purple and blue. "That happened when we bumped into each other." He pulled his shirt down. 

Guilt hit Jeremy like a train. "I... I'm so sorry... I-I-I--"

He put his hand on Jeremy's shoulder, "It's alright. Ella can flick me with her nails and I'll get a small bruise. It's no big deal. But thank God I'm a pacifist if not I'll be having bruises on me for years to come. The one's you have me might last a week or so and I'll go back to normal."

Needles then said, "You also got dermatographia." BB then nodded, confirming it. 

Jeremy looked up at him. "Wha?" This made BB smile, a charming smile that made his heart went boom. 

"It's when you can scratch my skin and it rises to look like hives. People call it 'skin writing'. It usually goes away after half an hour though." BB said and then Jordan bursts into a laugh and he says: "I used to draw dicks on your arm every time you feel asleep in class." BB shook his head but then smiled. 

"You, Pawn, are the reason I don't sleep in class anymore." Jordan stopped laughing when BB then said, "Even though I can make it directly happen when I write on my skin, it can happen involuntary, such as blushing." So I'll be fucked by now, Jeremy adds in his head. 

Ella then clapped her hands together, "So, have you eaten yet? We haven't, we were waiting on BB." Jeremy noticed that she was wearing a gold ring on her baby finger. he wasn't sure if it was real or not but he did know that it was beautify and could fool any person into buying it for a large amount of money. Ella was so pretty; chubby cheeks, gray eyes, pink lips, and long eye lashes. And he had a feeling that she and BB dating along time ago. 

Jordan then crumbled up a napkin and then threw it in the direction of the closest trash can-- he failed, Peep hit him on he shoulder to pick it up. He sighed and stood up to pick it. "I still don't know why you waste your time on those books?" Jordan sat back down when BB chuckled.

"Because I can spell 'Xanthosis'." 

Jordan scoffed, "I can." BB raised and eyebrow and then gestured for him to do it. "S-A-N--"

"Incorrect," the Squip said. "It starts with X. The correct way to spell it is: X-A-N-T-H-O-S-I-S." Jeremy then had an idea and he opened his mouth to stop Pawn mid-spelling process."X-A-N-T-H-O-S-I-S," he blurted out too fast that the others looked at him strangely. Everyone but BB.

He...smiled at Jeremy, who wanted to cry and melt at the same time because it was so beautiful. "You messed up, Jeremy." The Squip hissed in his ear while she squeezed his hand hard, painfully. "Ohhhh, everything about you is so terrible. They are all staring at you. BB is smiling because he wants to laughed and wants to spare your feeling. He has pity for you. That's a downright shame. You fucked up. He wants you to leave. So get those ideas out of your head before I make you..." 

He let out a light chuckle. "Correct. And for that, I'll invite you for lunch. Pizza or sandwich?"

Jeremy was going to respond when the Squip began to rant again. "You are so pathetic. Everyone hates you. Everything about you makes me want to die-- and I'm a computer! Listen to me, I'm the correct. And you know it..." Jeremy then ignored her and he said: "Sandwich."

***

All the ride home, the Squip made him almost pass out because she would make his throat close up and he could feel her hands around his neck. He ignored her but he was so scared, he wanted to close his eyes and wake up because this felt like a nightmare. A nightmare with a handsome man smiling and being nice to him. He would feel better but then the Squip will hurt him, snapping him back to being tortured by his mother. 

BB was driving Ella's car while the others were sitting in the back. Pawn and Peep were cuddling while Ella was talking on the phone with her step mother who was a bitch, as you can see from her contacts. "Turn a left," Jeremy said. He did and they were at the beginning of Jeremy's street. His house was close so he could walk, he just needs to walk around the puddles of water after the rain. "Thank you," he said as he was ready to open the door when BB stopped him by grabbing his arm. He frozed up at the touch.

"Hey," BB said. He then slipped a crumbled up peice of paper from his hand and into the pocket of Jeremy's cardigan. "Call me sometime."

Jeremy walked away from the car and slammed the door. The rusted up white Volkswagen beetle drove away. When it left his sight, Jeremy pulled the paper out it. It was a gum wrapper and it had a phone number on it. Then at the of it, there was:

xo :)

Jeremy wanted to jump up and down in happiness. He pulled out his phone to call the number when he felt a shock on it. "Ow!" 

The Squip appeared and stood next to him. "You can't just call him right away!" she says, waving her finger at him.

"And why not?" he aske as he started to walk home. 

The Squip followed behind him, "Because you'll look desperate. If you really like him you have to listen to me." She put a hand on his shoulder and he stopped to look at her in the eyes. His heart shattered when he saw her eyes; his mother's eyes. Jeremy was attacked by sudden nostalgic emotions, memories of his mom waiting for him to come from school at the door as the bus drove away. His mother would always have something waiting for him. Lunch, a new shirt, an action figure, or anything that he needed that day. His mother would always know what he needed by just simply looking at him. He had a bad day? She'll make him his favorite meal. Suddenly like someone? She'll give him advice. His mother always knew him better than he knew himself. "Do you trust me?" 

"Yes..." he muttered without a second thought. Maybe he was desperate for his mother's presence around him. Maybe that's why he got it in the first place. Maybe he misses his mother too much and he doesn't realize. 

The Squip smiled, "Good. Let's go home, Jerry." She then kissed his hair as she followed him home. 

***

When Jeremy walked inside of the house, he expected his dad to be yelling at the phone again. But the house was silent. He began to worry and he peeks inside of the living room to see his dad, pants-less and sleeping on the couch with boxes around him. 

He walked over to wake him up but stopped when he saw what he was holding in his hand, over his chest. It was a picture album. Pages yellowed with age and pictures walking to spill out. 

Jeremy gently pulled it away from his grasp and opened it to see pictures. It was pictures of everyone in his family. His great-grandmother on his dad's side, his grandfather on his mom's side, aunts and uncles and cousins. All smiling at the camera. 

He turned a page and saw a picture of him and his parents. It was Christmas, he was nine, he remembers. His mother was wearing bright candy cane red lipstick and when his dad said that it won't come off of her lips, she kissed him on the cheek and saw that it did come off. Jeremy mother laughed with the happiest smile ever. 

His dad let out a noise and Jeremy was ready to jump out of his skin. He froze and was ready to run when he saw that his dad just shifted in his sleep.

"Come on, Jerry," the Squip said. "Let's go to bed." He did what he was told and he walked in his room and layed on his untidy bed, which the Squip glared at in disgust. He let our a quiet apology as he took off his jeans and layed in bed, pulling the blanket up a bit. 

He closed his eyes and he was out like a light. The Squip tucked him in and kissed his hair, "Sleep well, dear. We have a big day tomorrow." It was very mother-son-like. 

She stepped away from the bed and she disappeared in a green-blue-coded light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I based some of the charaters from people in a play I saw-- it was so fucking fun!!
> 
> Also, it snowed today and I had fun. After 8 years without snow, wow.


	4. MAMA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is she to him?

Beep-Beep-Beep-Beep!!!

Jeremy's hand slapped over the snooze button of his alarm clock, he slowly sits up and rubs his eyes. He looks around the room and then the memories of yesterday come flooding in. Did that really happen? he asks himself. Beat. He then began to tap his head, "Hello? Are you on? Helloo?"

From outside his room, Jeremy's dad called in from down the hall. "Jeremy? Are you talking to yourself?"

He thought about it for a second. Maybe all of the events never happened and he dreamt it up. "I... Guess I am." He then reached over for his computer and clicked on a website. "C-C-C-C'mon, go--" he suddenly feels a shock go through him.

Then, the Squip appeared. She was wearing a white robe, had her hair pulled up by a green scrunchie, and was wearing slippers. She was floating from the ground and had her legs crossed over the other and had a disappointed and angry look in her eyes. "What did we say about masturbation?"

"I was just going to...check my email," lied Jeremy.

The Squip scoffed and she made a cup of coffee appear with code. "You can't lie to me, Jeremy. I'm inside your brain." She takes a sip and makes a face and then made a spoonful of sugar appear and poured it in the coffee and began to mix it. "Now we're going to make up a system: every time you think about sex that's how much push-ups you're going to do. If this is in fact an addiction, you'll have pecs in no time." She then took a sip of her coffee.

At that moment, Mr. Heere walked in, giving a light knock on the semi-open door. "Coming through, private." Mr. Heere came to drop a basket filled with clean laundry.

When the Squip looked up, she began to choke on her coffee, spilling it on the floor. "That's who I married?"

Jeremy bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. "That's my dad and your husband, yeah."

The Squip just stared at him, as if wanting to touch his face. She got close to him and put a hand on his face, her hand just went through. He then walked through her and she just stared, empty and lost eyes. Her face soft with daydreams. "We should double those push-ups..." she whispered.

"You alright, Jeremy?" Mr. Heere asked. The Squip then floated around him. A ghost visiting the living and walking around them to see them, to see them because they miss them so much.

He nodded and his dad said nothing as he left his room. Jeremy then looked up to see the Squip, who was staring at Mr. Heere as he left out the door. "You okay?" he asked but she said nothing, the words sliding off her and onto the floor. "Mom?" It was too late when he realized what he just said, but he felt okay with it. It was actually quite scary.

"Hmm?" she spun around to face him. "I'm sorry... I just lost my train of thought..." The Squip then got changed into another pair of clothing after a bright flash of blue-green light. She wore a blue-green shirt and a heavy black coat with black trousers and black heels. "Come on, let's go to school."

***

Wearing the Eminem shirt, Jeremy entered school with the Squip walking by his side. "I'm still not going to be the cool guy but maybe not so left out. I might have a word into the story. A scene, maybe. Now that I have someone helping me out."

He goes to his locker and then ran into Chloe, Brooke, and Jenna. And to his suprise, they wave at him. Dazed by what just happened, he bumps into--

"Yo, tall-ass. Where's my money?" It was Rich. Small but pissed. Jeremy had totally forgotten about the money that he was supposed to give him.

Jeremy turned to the Squip and says. "Crap, what do I tell Rich?"

Instead of telling him, she showed him by locking eyes with Rich and muttered: "Up up down down left right A."

Then Rich looked like as if he had gotten a jolt. "Dude, you got one!" He didn't look suprised by the pain that Jeremy's Squip gave him.

Panicking, Jeremy stuttered out: "Yeah. Sorry, I meant to get through you but-- Don't hit me!" He covered himself with his arms and waited for a blow from Rich's fist.

He instead heard Rich chuckle. "Jeremy! This is awesome! I mean, coulda used the money. Things are kinda rough at home, you know what I'm sayin'--"

The feeling of strings wrapped around Jeremy's limbs and his mouth was forced open to say: "Yeah...my dad...drinks too?" The feeling left his body and he gasped for air and sighed. He then looked at the Squip with a where did that come from look.

Rich then grins. "Yo, fucking dads, right?! He usually passes out by nine, you should come over to play X-Box. You know with the Squip, the only controller you need...is your mind?"

The way he said it made Jeremy crack a smile at his dramatic tone. Rich then ran off but Jeremy stayed back with his Squip. "What was that about?" he asked her.

"I talked with his Squip. He was nice; a flirt but nice." She said as she made a mirror appear in front of her as she fixed her hair.

"And that makes him act like we're friends?" he asked. The mirror disappeared and she turned to look at him.

"You two have a bond. Being friends is different," she says in a monotone and an emotionless face.

Jeremy let out a sigh of both relief and relaxation. "I get to more than survive now..." He then made his was down the hall, feeling confident and he wanted to bounce in every step.

As the Squip followed behind him she began to list all the things for today. "You have an algebra test today, I just downloaded all of the answers. There's a possibility that you might start a project in English but there's a substitute there so you don't have to worry about it for right now but it's better if you write notes down. In American History, the class will wrap up the Founding Of America unit with a short movie and then move on with the actual Founding Fathers. Art, just a review. And in Gym class, just a couple of run around the track-- the coach's wife is pregnant."

Then Jeremy said: "Alright. So later on I can call BB so we can go to the mall together?" he asked, bringing back memories of him asking his mom if he can stay over Michael's house.

The Squip shook her head. "You have drama practice with Christine. I'm afraid that will have to be another day, my boy."

"Can't I just quit? I mean, I'm over her and I really REALLY like BB and I--" the Squip shut him up by shocking him and pulling him by the collar of his shirt.

"You are going. Like it or not," she hissed darkly at him. She slowly raises her hand and Jeremy closes his eyes to expect the blow when six gusts of wind run past him, making the Squip glitch.

"You better catch us, you dickhead!" yells a male voice as he holds onto a guy's hand.

"Go blow your dad, you asshole!" yells the other guy.

Then a guy, chubby, runs behind them. "Jesus Christ, you fuckheads! Don't leave me behind!" He then let out a string of curses that Jeremy was sure that were in another language.

Lastly, two girls being pushed by another girl to run as fast as they could. "Run, run, run, run!" the one pushing yelled. "Kneecaps! I call fucking kneecaps!" she hollers from the top of her lungs before tripping. The two girls turn around and was ready to help her up when the girl on the ground yells: "Leave! Kneecaps! Kneecaps!" They both froze and then nodded before running off without her.

The girl on the ground was picking herself up when a teacher pulls her by the hair. "Miss Sanchez, you are coming with me!" The girl pulls herself away when she kicks the male teacher in the groin and pushes him in Jeremy's direction.

Her eyes land on him and then, she pulls him by the arm and she runs, dragging him with her. Jeremy's arms ached, her grip was surprisingly strong enough for her to dig her fingertips into his veins. The girl then pulls the door of a closet open and locks it behind her.

"Wha--?" he croaks out in confusion as he rubs his arm. But she slaps her hand over his mouth and she let's out a quiet 'shhhhh'.

He hears foot steps and he felt his heart in his brain and sweat running down his back. Jeremy's heart almost explodes out of his chest when he hears the doorknob being fiddled with.

The girl then pulls him close and slams her lips against his. Frozen in shock, he just stays still in the kiss. She let's out an exaggerated loud moan, fake of course, and the doorknob stop rattling after a sound of disgust by the teacher behind the door. He walked away and his steps faded.

She pulled away quickly and whips her mouth. Jeremy didn't get to have a good look at her but he had to admit that she was pretty. Even prettier than Chloe. She had ratty dark brown hair, thick eyebrows, dark olive skin, slightly small eyes but so full of color, and soft lips. What made her different was that she had a bit of acne on her cheeks but it was going away and that she was slightly more masculine than most girls in the school. Jeremy's heart sank when he saw a bruise on her lip and shoulder.

"I am so so sorry," she said with an accent. "I panicked and I wanted to get away from the teacher and to distract him so my friends would run off and--" she stopped herself and sighed. "You don't know me, you're a Downstairs Kid, aren't you?"

Jeremy nodded. Downstairs Kids are the students who are good in class and cause any trouble. Upstairs Kids are the one's who stay school later (an hour more at least) have emotional or anger problems or get into fist fights and get in trouble a lot. That's why he hasn't seen her around.

"I'm Veronica Sanchez," she says as she extended her hand.

Jeremy took it and shook it. "Jeremy. Jeremy Heere."

She then snorted as she pulled her hand away. "'Heere'? Is that really your last name?"

At this, Jeremy's ears went red, he had been told so many jokes about his last name but this was actually the most polite question he has gotten about it. He nodded and then said quietly, "Yeah..."

Veronica had stopped laughing but was grinning. "It's okay, I've heard weirder names than that. Two of my friends have last names that sound like nicknames which are. We just call each other by our last names. Usually..." And then Jeremy realizes how beautiful she is. Yes, she was pretty but he then realizes that she was so beautiful. She looked healthy and happy and just so alive. But when he looks at the bruises, he saw parts of her that were dead. Some flowers have dead petals or leaves but they are still beautiful; but Veronica had patches of ugly fabric on her that she couldn't pull out. 

She then stood up and pulls him up. "Well, see you around, Downstairs." Veronica then flashes him a smile and walks out the door.

There was a whirring sound and a flash of green-blue light when the Squip reappeared. "Systems reloading..." there was a ding and then she blinked. "What did I miss, kid?" Jeremy couldn't explain it.

***

Jeremy went through his day with the Squip at his side when he made it to Drama practice with Christine. He washed his face in the bathroom and then walked in but stopped when he heard two girls giggle. It was Chloe and Brooke, and Jenna Rolan sat close to them but seemed to be in her own world. Chloe towered over the sitting Christine, who had her nose in what seemed to be a Shakespearean book, with Brooke hanging back behind her. "Is this seat saved?" asks Chloe.

Christine looked up and was genuinely suprised to see the girls in front of her. "Oh, yeah--"

But Chloe sat down anyways. Jeremy saw that Jenna glared at them and made a face of disgust. "Jenna Rolan said that she saw you at the mall with Jake last night." Brooke had sit down next to Chloe, well almost on top of her.

The theater kid moved back a bit, uncomfortable from the eyes on her that she didn't want. "Yeah, that's...who it's saved for..."

Brooke then peeped out, "Jenna Rolan?" Jenna sat in the back row, close so she can hear but far enough for not to be noticed right away.

"I'm right here..." she hissed loudly enough for the girls to turn their heads to see her. Jenna glared at Chloe, who stood her ground while Brooke looked a bit scared at the daggers coming from the gossiper.

Then Chloe said: "Jake's not coming," she said in the most blunt voice ever.

Christine's face then slowly turned into a worried look. "Is he sick?" she asked. Her brown eyes shimmered with silver glitter under the lights.

Again, Chloe said bluntly, "He's at Model U.N. Or whatever it is this week. You know Jake. Always jumping from one...extracurricular to another."

The short girl then whispered, "I don't know him that well..." she realized slowly. 

Chloe rubs her hands on her skirt, she then said without looking up: "Well, he loves to try new things. He just doesn't always stay with them after...he tries them." She paused fot a second to look at Christine in the face. "If you know what I--"

In a moment of trying to prove her wrong, the young actress blurted out, "We're just friends."

"What?" asks Chloe, truly suprised at what the other said.

"I know you guys used to date?" she shakes and forces a smile that instantly falls and burns. "So, if this is about..."

The popular teen's mouth turned into an 'o' shape and her eyes grew large. "Oh my god no! Jake and I are totally over."

Brooke then said, "Yeah, he's so gross." Then her friend/leader snapped her head back to her to shoot her a dirty glare.

"He's not gross, Brooke." Beat. Then Chloe turned back to look at Christine and smiled plastic-like. "Friends. I'm so glad. Because, real talk, I would hate for you to think that the reason Jake's not here...is he's already bored of you." Beat. "Bye!" She stands up and walks out of the room with Brooke following behind her. Jeremy then hears her whisper to Brooke, "Jake better not invite her to his Halloween party..."

Jeremy, followed by the Squip, walks in to greet Christine. "Is this seat taken?" he asks.

With a shaken voice and the color drained from her face, she whispered something above a whisper. "I... Don't know..."


	5. First Day When It's Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A guy I'd kinda be into" and "Upgrade"

Beat. "Can I ask you something?" Christine whispered at him after she moved closer to him. Her eyes were filled with uneasiness. She seemed scared and nervous from what the girls had said to her. It wasn't like her, Jeremy missed the ball of energy that she was when she was yelling with hyper active energy "I love play rehearsal!" Then realization hit him: he isn't over her. He was never her in the first place, he just hasn't been reminded of what made him fall for her. Now he was nervous. He wants her. He wants her to be with him and he wants to be with her. He was never over her but then so many memories of being attracted to BB and then the sense of being touched by Veronica made him to want to crave her hands on him.

He wants to be with Christine, he wants to get close to BB, he wants to touch Veronica again. "Oh, you're so greedy, Jeremiah..." the Squip whispered as she appeared behind Christine. Her eyes was judging him with every thought he had. "You know that I'm right... But oh, you wants someone else. Someone that you haven't thought of in a while. Your first actual love that you didn't even realize you actually love..." She then appeared behind him and took control of his body, he shivered at the cold feeling of her wires connecting to his nervous system.

"You can tell me anything," those words fell out of his mouth and onto his lap. The Squip then moved away from his body and then shrunk down to a smaller form of her being. She floated to his shoulder and leaned against his cheek. Even if she was smaller, she still had that buzzing sensation against his skin. Now it just feels like a moth buzzing close to his ear.

Christine moved back a bit but still was very close to Jeremy for it to be intimate. "This is weird... But... Say that there's this person you pass in halls everyday," she smiled a bit. "You've known them since, like, seventh grade. You used to think about them in a certain way from the persona they displayed." She looks at her knees and then began to peel away her old finger nail polish. "Then something changes, and he just changes, from a guy you'll never be into to a guy you'd kinda into..." She looks up at Jeremy and flashes him a smile that makes his face go red and his heart began to jump like it was playing jump rope. "Is he worth it? Jeremy? Is he?"

"Is she talking about me?" he asks the mini-Squip.

She jumped. "Of course! I've been activating your pheromones." The Squip chin-gestured to Christine, "Keep it up."

"Absolutely," Jeremy and the Squip said together.

She smiled shyly and looked down, "I don't always relate to people my age, as you can tell...except when I'm on the stage." Christine then looked down awkwardly on her chest, "And there's so many...changes that I'm going through-- and why am I telling this to you?" She looked up at him, Jeremy leaned in awkwardly as he towered over her, even sitting down. She looked for the answer on his face, as if it was stapled on his forehead. "I guess there's a part of me that wants to. I guess a part of me likes to talk to you, and likes to sit with you, and to hang with you, and to--"

The drama teacher then walked in, throwing a wrapper in the trash bin. "Hot-Pocket break over, people!"

Christine then stood up and picked up her script. "Back to play rehersal. I know that it's weird but it's totally true..." She paused for a second. "The guy that I'd kinda be into..."

Now Jeremy was standing up, scared but excited for the answer. "The guy that your kinda be into..."

"Yeah, that guy I'd kinda be into is... Jake..." She blushed as she covered her face to save herself from seeing the expression on his face.

"What?" Jeremy was able to squeak out before the Squip returned to her natural height.

"Warning. Warning." The Squip beeps out before she puppets Jeremy's body out of rehersal and finally outside of the school.

Jeremy shakes the feeling off and stares at the Squip, who's eyes are glowing blue-green, going back to her computer-mode. "What was that about?" he asked angryly, demanding an answer.

Her eyes went back to his mother eyes. "I'm so sorry, Jeremy, but that girl doesn't suit you as relationship matterial. She doesn't even like you in that way!"

Jeremy said, "Yeah, that's why I got you!

The Squip's body softened, "Are you sure you want her? I can find out who's single and possibly available for you. If you're into sporty-girls, I'm accessing footage for the girl's volleyball practice and I have to say, it's pretty impressive." The eyes of the Squip went back to computer-mode, as if she was in fact watching the girls herself.

"I... I want Christine," his voice shook in nervousness. Yes, he indeed wanted her but he also wants BB and Veronica. The thought of him trying to choose was nerve racking. But right now, he's sticking to his first love. But then he remembered what the Squip had said before. Christine wasn't his first love, so who is?

The Squip scanned his face, "Are you sure about this?" Jeremy then stood firm at his decision but still craves the others. "Very well then." She snapped her fingers and she changed into something more comfortable: a black pantsuit and the same black sun hat from her first outfit.

She began to pace around as she started to think. In the mid process, her feet weren't touching the ground. "So how can I get her?"

The Squip hummed, "You can't..."

He squeaked out a 'what?' But she stopped him from ranting by continuing. "Yet. You need to impress her, but she's a strange one. She doesn't seemed to be impressed by other things that others would find attractive. So what we need to do is boost yourself up the social ladder. You need an upgrade!"

Puzzled, he asked: "Huh?"

The Squip then looked at his face, she had stopped pacing but she was still floating. His mother then floated towards him and she held his face, "You need to get popular." And as if she was sent a message, she buzzed up and her eyes glew blue-green and then it was gone. "Tear ducts: activate."

Before Jeremy could ask what happened, he started to cry. The tears slipped out of his eyes unwillingly. But it didn't stop with tears, he actually began to sob uncontrollably. So hard that he couldn't speak.

He was going to gather his thoughts amd ask the Squip but he beard his name. "Jeremy!" It didn't sound like Michael (he was hoping it was). He looks up through tears to see that it was Brooke. "I've been looking for you." She said as she put her hands on him. One on his shoulder and the other holding his forearm.

Gasping for air, he said, "I'm... I'm so sorry... I don't know why I'm crying..." He said the last part slowly, realizing how stupidly weird that sounded. He was expecting her to laugh and to leave him to make fun of me but she hummed.

"Well," she said in a tone as if Jeremy's dog died, "I do."

Jeremy's tears lowered in amount, he was able to wipe his face and only some small ammount of tears slipped out. He wiped it with his wrists and hands, making his hands wet with salty tears. "You do?" He cleaned his hands on his jeans.

She nodded. "And I totally understand. They're saying that it was a freak hockey accident."

He blinked away the last few tears out of his eyes. "Wha?"

Brooke gasped in horror. "Oh my God, you don't know!" Jeremy shook his head. "Eminem is dead!"

He was confused for a second before he realized that he was wearing his Eminem shirt. "Eminem's dead?!"

She didn't answer but only wrapped her arms around him to hug him. He stayed still, not knowing what to do. "I mean, I was never into him because he was like super old and kinda mean to women, but I know that you liked him..."

Jeremy turned to face the Squip awkwardly. "Did you know that this was going to happen?" The Squip was floating with her legs crossed as she was using a nail file on her fingernails. She blew a stray strand out of her face and then blew on her fingers. The Squip looked up and raised an eyebrow and then said:

"Of course not."

He blinked, "So it's a coincidence you told me to wear this shirt?"

"Of course not," she made the nail file disappear and then a hand mirror and a stick of lipstick replaced it. The Squip freshened up her lipstick.

"Wait, what? Did you kill Eminem?" he said, terrified and worried at what this... thing can do.

Popping her lips, she said: "Nooooooo....t exactly." The mirror and lipstick vanished and she put her feet on the ground. "I'm still a computer, meaning that I'm able to figure out many possible futures. No, I did not know that today Eminem was going to be impaled by a rogue hockey stick, I did know that there was a favorable outcome from that accident."

Jeremy's eyes popped out of his head, "Favorable to who?" he whispered, scared and crepped out by the smile on the Squip's face. It made his stomach churn, as if he walked inside of a haunted house. A feeling of sickness washed over him at the thought of him killing someone.

Still, Brooke was holding him. But it suddenly turned intimate, her hands on his ribs and the other on the bottom of his neck. She had long nails, real nails. Not acrylic. Real nails. The pointer finger was a light blue and the rest yellow. It looked nice, matching with her outfit. "It's okay, Jeremy." She put her hand on his cheek, they were warm like a cup of hot chocolate in winter. "You don't have to be alone right now."

Then, she took his hand.

His heart jumped a bit, it shook and twisted in a way that made him lightheaded. It didn't feel real. Nothing of this felt real. Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe the pill he took was a pill that knocked him out and it's making him have a crazy dream. Maybe he's actually in a hospital bed. Please let these maybe's be true, he thought.

"You need to get popular," the Squip said. "Here's a popular girl that likes you. Let's see where she leads this interaction to."

Brooke slowly lead Jeremy away. His body was numb and his head was somewhere else. "This is my favorite place behind the school," she said, snapping him awake. She has her hands intertwined with his fingers, she was holding both of his hands. There seemed to be hearts in her eyes and a nice shade of pink on her cheeks. "Being here with you right now is so..." she didn't finished as she giggled and sighed. "Our future is so clear, our union is so near."

Something weird happened, the world around him glitched. Or maybe his own eyes glitched. It was strange because one minute, Brooke was holding both of his hands and then, the Squip took her place. "Being here with you right now, I'll tenderly guide you. Just take me inside of you... Forever."

Jeremy snapped out of it and backed away and let go of her hands. The Squip had a smile on her face that made him feel uneasy. It was creppy and terrifying. It made him want to run away-- her smile was something from a horror movie. But he couldn't move, the ground was holding onto his feet. "Your life was so pitiful before, now it's time to go all the way and more. You gotta take an upgrade..."

He squeaked out, "Upgrade?"

She nodded, "Upgrade. You gotta get an upgrade." The Squip put her hands on his cheeks, holding his head. "Oh, hun. Don't worry about the guilt you'll feel. Just take a breath and seal the deal. It will make you far more better than this version of me."

He was able to move-- he walked away and made his way to the school. As he opened the door that was always open, he saw something out of the corner of his eye. Jeremy walked back and peaked through the window and saw into the school to see Jake and Christine.

"Hey," Jake said as he follows Christine. Rehersal just ended and Jake had been waiting for her by the exit, she saw him and he waved but she walked right passed him. She was ignoring him. "You're not going to say hi?"

She spun around suddenly, making Jake almost crash into her. "I was. At rehersal." Christine then spun back but Jake stopped her from walking off by explaining.

"I wanted to be there," she had stopped, waiting for what he had to say. "But it's the same time as archery--"

"It's okay, really--" Jake then puts his hand on her elbow and holds it firmly but gently. She looked down at his hand and then up at him.

He smiled at her, making her go mute. "Which is why I told the coach I had to quit." Jake then leaned in closer to her, a pang of jealousy hit Jeremy in the chest. "I don't want to do ever extracurricular activity at school. I just want to do yours." He the took both of her hands, she was completely facing him. "Do you wanna come over to my place tonight? Get all sport and play cricket? Or get a forty and just kick it? My parents won't be home so it's alright. They laundered money, now they're on the run..."

A look of suprise grew on Christine's face. "Tha... That's illegal."

"Which means the house will be empty. So that's fun... Right?" Jake didn't seem to believe his own optimistic lie as his smile grew stiff and his eyes looked distant. "Never hung with a girl like you before, I don't know if you know this but I am sure that you're an upgrade."

She raised an eyebrow, "Upgrade..."

Jake nodded, "Upgrade. Let's be each others upgrade!"

Christine beggan to giggle, her face pink and suddenly hot. Her heart felt light and her head was spinning, she felt as if she was in play rehersal again. Is it possible for one person to make me feel like my favorite thing? she asked herself with a large and silly smile split on her face. "Well I'm flattered, this is new. Still, I'm not sure what I should do."

Stars in his eyes and blush on his face he spun her her around, almost as if they were dancing. "You gotta take the upgrade! Take the upgrade!"

Christine then nodded quickly and Jake beamed.

"C'mon, Jeremy, can't you see? We got a plan, now snap out of it." The Squip hovered over him, she then pulled his chin to look at Brooke, who was taking stuff from her locker. She turned around and saw him, Brooke waved and smiled warmly. "You start with Brooke, and then you continue with Christine. Then you'll get you want! Christine...!"

Her hand still holding his chin, he turned to face the window. There, he sees Christine and Jake talking under the shade of a tree. The leaves were turning yellow, brown and red as fall is going to creep in. "Christine...?"

The Squip lets go of him and shaped shifted into Christine. She hovers over his him, whispering into his ear like the Snake that convinced Eve to take a bite from the apple. "Christine, Christine, Christine, Christine!"

Jeremy snaps out of it by screaming and covering his ears. The Squip gets out of the shape of Christine and looks at Jeremy. "There's too many voices in my head! I just need a minute to... process..." His mother still hovers. "Alone. Can you get out of my head for, like, five minutes?"

The Squip thought about it and then smiled, "Of course." She disappeared with a ray of blue-green light.

He sighed and walked around the seemingly empty school. He was considering his options. Midway his thoughts he spots a guy with glasses, white headphones, and a red jacket with patches. It was Michael.

Heere looks suprised and relieved. He had been wanting to talk to someone he knows. "Michael!" He looks up from his phone and sees Jeremy, he was suprised but then began to walk past him. Confused by the behavior of his best friend since diapers, Jeremy chased after him. "Oh my God, I'm so glad to see you." Jeremy reached over and touched his shoulder.

Michael's eyes suddenly harden and he shrugs off Jeremy's hand. "Really? So you haven't been avoiding me all day?"

His heart felt onto the floor and a sour twist happened in his chest where his heart is supposed to be. "What are you talking about? I haven't seen you since--" he stopped himself and thought for a second. "Reactivate," he says.

The Squip's arives before her body, "It's called optic nerve blocking." She then appeared next to him. But Jeremy was mid-question when she had answered it: "Why haven't I seen Michael all day? Wait what?"

Clearing her throat, she explained. "I have access to your optic nerves. I have been blocking Michael from your vision."

"Jeremy? Why are you standing there, all creppy and stuff?" he asked, concern in his brown eyes. Even in anger and disappointment, he was loyal to him. Even if it was just a drop of it, it's still in him. Mostly driven by nostalgia and morality and something else that filled the space between them. Something invisible but you call feel, like perfume or mist in the early morning. It sink into their clothing, staining it with memories.

A sudden emotion like no other yet all of the emotions he had felt all of his life tangles inside of him. The space between them felt far, Jeremy wanted to be closer. His body craved, craved, like BB and Veronica but stronger yet gentle at the same time. A butterfly in a gust of wind. The wanting then sank into his bone and made them shake, he felt it in his nails and in every inch of his body.

"Michael is connected and a reminder of Jeremy 1.0. If you really want to upgrade, you have to let him go." She placed a hand on his shoulder and she leaned over his shoulder and whispered into his ear. "Take a good look at him, look at what you did to him. Are you sure you want to leave your first?"

Jeremy's eyes locked with Michael and the same feeling that he felt from Christine hit him. Michael looked... hopeful. He was scanning and searching on his face with eyes that might tear Jeremy apart. "Seriously, what's up with you? You've been acting shady ever since... since... It work didn't it?" A shaky smile appeared on his face and a loyal excitement began to shine on his skin. He then put his hands on both of Jeremy's shoulders. "Jeremy! That's amazing! We gotta test it, we gotta celebrate, we gotta-- get stoned in my basement!" Michael then ran off from where he came from with excitement making him bounce with every step he took.

"So?" the Squip said.

Heere took in a shaky breath and looked down at his busted up Converse. They were old and had stains, some rips and he was sure that the laces were never gray to begin with and with the filth it had turn into that color. "I already know what it's like to be the loser. I should find out whats it's like to... not be the loser. I don't wanna special. I just want to be as chill as life will allow." He turned to look out the closest window and he saw his reflection. His acne scars and fresh achne, a sign of a single chin hair, and pale blotchy skin. He wanted more than this. "So should I take the upgrade?"

With tension in him, the Squip began to whisper: "now now now now now now now now." And he snapped.

"I wasn't sure before but now I'm gonna go all the way and more so gimme the upgrade," he turned around to see the Squip smiling, proudly and happy at his choice. "I tried to be genuine and true but now it's time for something new, so I'm taking the upgrade." The Squip hovered over him and she began to walk him and he followed suit. "Really it doesn't matter how, I'm taking the upgrade right now."

"Jeremy? Are you coming?" Mell said, coming back.

He stared at him for a long second and then looked up at the Squip. She nodded, "Optic nerve blocking: on." And with that, Michael disappeared from his vision as if he glitched out of existence.

He turned around and looked at her, she had her hand out. Jeremy looked at it and then up at her face. With his face full of determined look in his eyes, he took it and shook it. His mother's face split with a smile, she said: "Now lets get to work."

***  
Brooke had been waiting for him out in the front of the school. She was on her phone, leaning against the side of the entrance. When Jeremy walked out her head snapped up and she smiled immediately. "I thought you weren't coming," she said as she played with her blond hair.

He lied, "I had to take care of something." Brooke giggled in response and clings onto his arm. She was smiling and began walking and he followed. "So how was your day?" he asked. The blond began to talk about her day, gossip at lunch, a fight that happened Upstairs, and other stuff but Jeremy wasn't listening and instead to talk to the Squip. "So how is the upgrade going to work?" he asked his mother-look-alike.

The Squip walked next to him, head foward with her back straight. She looked like his school's female color guard. Those girls are so disciplined and marched perfectly that they won the school trophies in competition. It brought back memories of his real mom; how she was strict but also caring, the influence of her military family. "Well, I have to reactivate and will work on your goal. Of course, this will take around two days so I can transfer all of the data I collected from you to my new self." She then went quiet for a second and then continued, "Are you sure you want me upgrade? Are you going to be okay with me gone for two days?"

Brooke asked a 'yes or no' question and he nodded, she continued to talk. "Yes, I'm sure. I want a change." Jeremy was determined and was willing to do anything.

The Squip smiled softly with hint of pride. "Alright, child." She placed her hand on his shoulder and kissed him on the temple. "I'll be gone for 48 hours, be good, don't be stupid, remember what I told you and have fun. Good-bye." And she was gone.

Jeremy automatically felt lighter, as if a weight around him was lifted. He felt less crowded. And then he realized that he missed the feeling. It was when you take your heavy coat off when you step inside of your home, and when you hang your coat on the coat hanger and you realize that you enjoy the cold that you stepped away from.

He misses her.

"Are you okay?" Brooke said. He snapped out of his daydream and looked down at the blond. He had just noticed that he was taller than her by a good three or four inches.

He forced a smile, "Um, yeah. I was just, uh, agreeing with your statement." Jeremy began to miss the Squip. He began to think and relaxed: Be More Chill... He told himself and sighed.

Brooke's face shined at what he said, her eyes began to shine with stars and she leaned into him even more. She giggled.

They walked for a while and then Jeremy asked, "So where are we going?" It seemed strange that they were walking without a destination.

"Oh, didn't I tell you? Chloe and Rich invited us for frozen yogurt. Well, Chloe did." She patted his upper arm. The sound of a car driving came close, he turned around and saw a beat up blue car from what Jeremy would guess to be from 2006. The car stopped next to them and the driver honked, they lowered the passenger's seat's window and they saw who was inside.

Rich was in the driver's seat and Chloe was sitting in the passenger's seat, she was wearing sunglasses and bright pink lipstick. "Get in losers, we're getting fro-yo," she yelled, taking off the sunglasses and slipping them in her cleavage.

Brooke giggled and she opened the door first and crawled in. Jeremy stood there awkwardly for a bit, his heart beating loudly in his ears. He gathered a deep breath and follows her inside. He closed the door behind him.

***  
Rich can drive very well, which was suprise because he had always seen him a reckless person. But he isn't. He even uses his blinkers.

Jeremy couldn't drive for shit, he gets nervous and his palms starts to sweat which makes the steering wheel sticky and that makes him uncomfortable which means he can't drive. Michael can drive decently so he tried to teach him but that just ended up with Michael almost having a heart attack and cussing in English, Spanish, and Filipino. He did cuss mostly in Spanish, which made Jeremy learn a couple of words here and there.

"...And she was like, 'I didn't want to sleep with him' but she totaly did." Chloe was ranting to Brooke, who was listening with a silly smile on her face. "Can you believe her? Madeline is such a slut!"

Brooke nodded, "I know, right. Also, did you all heard about the fight Upstairs. It was big. It took four teachers to pull them apart."

All of them were suddenly interested in it, "Who was it?" Rich asked, as he turned left.

"These two girls who got real bad blood between them," Brooke said. "One of them slammed the other's head against the locker and I'm sure that she also broke her finger in the process." Then her phone chimes from a text message, she took a look at it and she gasped. "Oh my God, the two girls were so close to getting expelled but they didn't because it was a fight of self-defense."

Chloe then turned around from her seat, "Where did you heard of this?"

She then showed her the phone and Chloe read what he suspected was the text she received. Chloe then gasped, "Jenna Rolan saw it! And recorded it."

Jeremy then said, realizing that something didn't make sense: "What was she doing Upstairs?"

They all went quiet, as if thinking for an explanation. Jeremy had his heart in his throat and his face hurts from blushing. He couldn't believe that he was hanging out with the people that made fun of him since sixth grade-- in the same car! His eyes flickered to the rear view mirror, where he caught Rich's eyes on him. They weren't glaring at him, they were soft but still had a question in the mist of them. He then knew what he was asking: where's your Squip?

Jeremy mouthed the answer: 'Upgrade.'

The other just nodded and parked the car into the parking lot. Everyone got out and Jeremy was expecting for Brooke to latch at him again but she went on and walked with Chloe. The both gossiped and talked, as if they haven't seen each other in weeks. They walked in front of him and Rich.

He heard him lock the car and then touched his elbow, Jeremy flinched. "Calm down, it's just me," Rich said above a whisper. "How have you been? With the Squip thing?"

Heere felt his tongue glued onto the roof of his mouth but still answered, "It took a while to get used to. I guess everyone goes through that."

Rich nodded, "Yeah. What's your Squip like? How does it look? Mine looks like Kermit the Frog and it's fairly nice, a bit rude sometimes but still nice."

A smile twitched on Jeremy's face, he tried not to smile but he couldn't help it. He couldn't imagine Rich to have a childhood character as his Squip. "Mine is my... mother. The Squip portrays her a bit different. But I still wanted to see my mother..." He hadn't told anyone what he felt about his mother. Not his dad or Michael. But he's telling this to Rich, his long time bully; an almost-stranger.

"Oh..." Rich whispered. "I, uh, I'm sorry about your mom. Is she...?"

Heere nodded, "No, she's still alive but she isnt here. She's off in a place that I probably can't pronounce or fifteen minutes away and I wouldn't even know." He stopped talking for a full three seconds. "My parents are signing the divorce papers. I read that it's easier when you're not attached to your parents or the parent that is leaving. I don't think that works for me. I'm not attached to my dad but I still have to live with him. The parent I was attached to is leaving. She's leaving me into the hands of a total stranger. My dad loves her, I know that. But she doesn't love him. I think she hasn't for a long time."

There was awkward silence between the two as they walked. Rich was the one who broke the tension. "My mom left my dad when I was seven, she took my little sister with her. My sister was two at the time. I barely see my mom, she calls everyone other week but it's not because she wants to but because the guilt makes her not able to stand herself. I wanted to live with my mom for a long time until I realize that my dad needs me. He's a bastard but he can't help himself. He drinks and drinks until he passes out. I make him diner. I wash the clothes. I clean the house. He needs me but he doesn't know it." The girls had stopped at the fro-yo place in the mall and they waited in line while the guys stood away so they couldn't hear them. "I think your situation is similar than mine. Your dad might not drink as much as now but he will. And you have to stop him. He needs you but neither of you know it."

Brooke tackled Jeremy into a hug. "Come on, what fro-yo do you want?" He looked down at her and she was so excited. Her energy was felt even before she hugged him. Brooke's eyes were filled with electricity.

He smiled, "What do you recommend?"

***  
He can say that now he had tasted frozen yogurt now. It was surprisingly good and he had never expected it to be like that.

All of them were walking to the car, the sun was ready to set. Jeremy didn't realize that they had hanged out for so long that the cashier told them that they needed to leave. They did and they all left, thanking her and telling her to have a good night.

Jeremy was walking behind them when he heard a group of people talking. They weren't talking loud but they were talking differently. In another language different. He turned around and the first person he noticed in the group was Veronica: the girl that kissed him.

She caught him staring and she smiled. That's when Jeremy noticed that she had a bruise on her cheek. Veronica waved at him with a warm smile on her face, the people around her continued to talk in the language. All of them had accents as they spoke and Jeremy could pick up some words in English. He awkwardly waved back.

"Whoa, who is she?" Chloe's voiced filled his ears. All of them had stopped and looked at where he was looking. Chloe was obviously talking about Veronica.

Then Brooke popped in, "Who are they?"

Jeremy didn't know what to answer and his brain had left his body at that exact moment. "Uh, I know her. And she knows them."

"Well, Heere," Rich said as he wrapped his arm over his elbow, barely reaching him, "maybe you can hook me up with her."

Chloe pushed Rich off of him. "No way, Rich. I want to talk to her." Everyone looked at her as if she had said something wrong. Her face went red, "I mean, I want to talk to her. She's got style."

Everyone ignored her explanation but continued their conversation. Rich and Chloe were bickering when Brooke tapped his shoulder and said: "You know, you're lucky."

He almost laughed at what she said. Jeremy Heere? Lucky? That's something that isn't possible. "What makes you say that?"

She smiled, "Everyone seems to like you. Do you have a best friend at all?"

Jeremy almost cried at that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Choose which friends he should hang out with in the next chapter
> 
> Veronica's or BB's?
> 
> Comment who


	6. Ain't No Rest For The Wicked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy is winging it and being reckless. He misses her oh-so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so so sorry. I wanted to post this last week but I had to do stuff for theater and I hope you all aren't mad. Also, I want to post more fanfics for other fandoms.
> 
> I was thinking Sander Sides, Hamilton, Dear Evan Hansen, Chicago, Heathers, In The Heights. Also, comment your fandoms to see if I know them.

The morning went a bit slower than usual, he misses her. He missed the Squip. She might have hurt him but she is still his mother. When he woke up, he wanted to ask out loud what was going to happen today but then he remembered she left. He washed his face and brushed his teeth. He wore a white t-shirt, black jeans, and a blue jacket that was nicer than his ratty and old cardigan. He was tempted to throw it away alongside the striped shirt he always wears. 

 

Jeremy just threw them into a drawer, the drawer where he kept the happy family picture. He picked it up one last time and studied his mother’s face. The Squip looks exactly like her but there was something unsettling in how the computer portrays her. It was creepy and made him a bit uncomfortable. With the Squip, he felt as if he was watching a bootleg version of his mother; scratchy effects and not enough for him to ignore, But with his mother, it was the full experience: warm hands and hot-chocolate hugs and salty-sweet kisses. 

 

He threw the picture back in and closed it. Jeremy grabbed his backpack and went downstairs to go to school but was stopped when he smelled like scrambled eggs and he heard the sizzling of bacon in the pan. A strange idea popped inside of his head for some strange reason: someone broke into his house and was cooking breakfast. It was stupid, he admitted it. But it seemed more probable than his dad making it. Mr. Heere hasn’t been close to the stove since his mom walked out on them. He drowned himself with work and Chinese take-out. Jeremy was so sick of chow mein, pizza, and of microwave food that Michael noticed and invited him to eat at his house. At the first night he said no but around the third, he went over and had a nice Ecuadorian-Filipino dinner that he brought leftovers for his dad, but he was asleep on the couch with his robe on and the TV still on.

 

Jeremy was probably was staring for too long at the top of the stairs because his dad flashed him a smile, “Jeremy! Come on, sit down. I made your favorite.” Young Heere added in his head, Yeah, when I was seven, but sat down at the dining table without a sarcastic comment escaping his mouth. His dad put the eggs and bacon on a plate and sat it in front of him. Jeremy was expecting it to have the eggs as eyes and bacon as a happy smile. Nothing. “Come on, eat!”

 

With a shaky hand, he picked up a fork and began to eat his breakfast. The eggs were salty and the bacon was underdone, he just played his his food as his dad sat across from him. Mr. Heere began to eat and his face was more expressive than Jeremy’s when it had to do with the food, he didn’t say anything though, he just put his fork down. “Uh, son, I have to talk to you about something.” Jeremy looked up from his plate a bit. “It has to do with your… mother. She and I are, um--”

 

“When are the papers getting signed?” he blurted them out. It was too late to take them back, so he just continued talking. The adrenaline was making him fearless. “When? Today? Tomorrow? Oh, wait. You and Mom already did sign them, didn’t you?” His heart was bouncing against his ribcage like a tennis ball in a small room. Jeremy looked down and saw that he was standing up, “I am so tired that no one tells me what’s going on. You act like it doesn't even matter, but it does. To me it does.” He grabbed his backpack from the floor and is ready to leave the house, his face felt sticky with sweat or tears, he didn’t know.

 

“It wasn’t my fault,” his dad yelled. “I didn’t want her to walk out on us. I wanted her to stay but…” he sighs. “You know how your mother is. So it wasn’t my fault.”

 

Jeremy looked down at his shoes and waited. He waited for the answer to just appear, he’s far too tired to look for it. He wanted it to be handed to him. He wanted his mother to hand him her answer instead of him just waiting for it. “Yeah, I know,” he whispered loud enough for Mr. Heere to hear. “But it feels like it…”

 

***

Heere leaned his head against the wall, he was sitting in math class but he wasn’t paying attention. Jeremy was sitting in the corner, eyes on the clock, waiting for it to pass quicker. Five more minutes, he told himself. He closed his eyes and began to count to ten and memories hit him hard.

 

Nostalgic moments with Michael filled his head like an ocean, thoughts of their childhood splashing against the inside of his skull. Jeremy remembers when he used to run and jump into puddles with Michael after the rain. Michael didn’t have glasses back then, so his eyes were shining with joy as his pants were getting wet from all the splashing they were doing. Jeremy’s mother would make him wear rainboots and a bright yellow raincoat when he played afterwards. Despite that, it was still fun. 

 

The bell ringing snapped him away from his memories, everyone was leaving and was walking out the door. He was the last one out and probably the only loser that would have stayed in there if it wasn’t for the need to stretch his legs. When he left the class, he saw people talking and standing around. Couples hugging and kissing against the lockers; friends laughing and smiling; teens walking around and hanging around like teens do.

 

Jeremy was almost tempted to go and talk to Brooke but he decided against it. Don’t get him wrong, Brooke is nice and all but he can’t just talk to her right now. Wow, he told himself, you sound like an asshole. And if Michael was here, he would have said: “Damn right.” But he isn’t. 

 

He walked around for a while, people slowly leaving the school. Sooner and later, another bell rung after an hour of him staying at the boy’s bathroom. He could hear people talking and walking from the inside of a stall. They were cursing, laughing, using slang he had never heard before but was sure that he couldn’t repeat. 

 

After the talking had quiet down, he left the bathroom. There were people still in the halls but very few. Jeremy realized that he didn’t know any of them. They were strangers to him, new faces that have been above his head for almost two years now. And he hadn’t seen any of them until today. 

Slightly scared and nervous, he pulled his hood up and walked out into the front of the school. People were also scattered there, some sitting on the steps, leaning against the walls, laying in the ground. All of them talking and smiling. Shades of brown and olive skin seem to have gone the miles. A girl bumped into him and she began apologizing in Spanish, he would have cracked an awkward smile when someone called her name and the girl ran off. For him, it felt like a whole new world.

 

As quiet as possible, he made his way to the sidewalk and starting to walk home when he heard a car honk and he had to look around. There, he saw Veronica. The car was big enough to fit possibly seven people but small enough for them to be squished together-- and Veronica was in the passenger seat. It pulled over and she smiled at him, pushing her round sunglasses up against her head. “Hi, Heere,” she greeted from the crappy yet solid gray car. 

 

“Hey,” he said quietly and awkwardly. He saw people sitting in the back of the car but he couldn’t see the driver from where he was standing.

 

Veronica popped her gum and it looked nice. She looked nice. Her hair was down but he could see that she was wearing golden hoop earrings, her make-up was simple: red lipstick and just some eyeliner. “What are you doing at this side of the school this late?” she flirted, leaning out from the car towards him. He saw that she was wearing a red top with a gold necklace around her neck. 

 

He blushed when he saw her cleavage but tried to play it off by shrugging it off. “I just decided to stay late.”

 

She flashed him a charming smile. “Boy, I sure you had fun,” she laughed at her own sarcasm. This was the first time he heard her laugh and he was surprised by it. It was a mixed between a giggle and a chuckle but it was a laugh in all the same. “Anyways, you wanna hang out? Me and my friends are going for ice cream and--”

 

“Yo!” someone yelled from the inside of the car, it startled him and Veronica enough for her to turn around. “Can we atleast see him? You talk but we can’t look at ‘im?” It was a female voice but even that was enough to scare him.

 

The backseat window was rolled down and he saw the people sitting in the back. It was two guys and two girls. The one closest to the window was a guy, he was light skinned and his hair was shaved off in a military-like style. But Jeremy knew that he wasn't the one that yelled at Veronica. 

 

One of the girl leaned over, almost laying on top of two of the guys. She was pretty, her skin was brown and had jet black hair and thick eyebrows. Her brown eyes scanned him, up and down. Jeremy suddenly felt self conscious about what he was wearing and how his hair was parted today, he remembered that he didn't even comb it this morning. 

 

The girl then laughed and her smile made Jeremy suddenly feel more at ease. It wasn't a mocking smile but a kind one. “He cute. Pasty skin but cute. I can see why you talk about him a lot.”

 

He shot a look at Veronica and saw a pretty shade of pink on her face and next. “Ay, Maria. Shut up.” She covered her face with one of her hands while the other laughed and sat back down. 

 

“Anyways,” Maria said with a smile still on her face. “Mitchy likes you a lot. Apparently you seem cool to her. I don't see it but whatever.”

 

Jeremy raised an eyebrow at what she had said, “...’Mitchy’?” 

 

“Maria, could you shut up?” Veronica was blushing. But it was more of embarrassment than a ‘crush' thing. She turned to look at him, “Look, I'm asking you if you want to go and chill. It's a way to return the favor. After the whole… kiss thing.” She said, her face still a bit red but her face was serious. “It also counts as an apology.” 

 

Now Jeremy was blushing. He still remembers her kissing him but he thought that she might never mention it. Of course, that doesn't mean that he didn't like it. “S-Sure,” he managed to get out. 

 

She smiled, “Great! I would say hop in if there was more space.”

 

The other guy in the back yelled, “We don't even fit! So imagine shoving another person in here.” It was the guy sitting next to the light skinned guy. He was big and chubby, he wore glasses and his hair was similar to the other guy's but it was growing out.

 

She turned around, “I know, Luis. And besides, don't get on me about it. It isn't my car.”

 

The driver then said, “Oh come on, at least I have a car. Luis almost crashed his and none of us will ever ride that hunk of junk again.” 

 

“Okay,” the chubby guy said, “it was the car-- not me.”

 

“That's why we aren't gonna ride in that devil-car again,” Maria said. 

 

“Fuck you,” he said to her. It was as if they were going to fight, and them sitting next to each other isn't going to help.

 

Maria smirked, “What time?” 

 

The driver interrupted the chubby guy before he could say anything. “No. There is no way in hell I'm letting people fuck in my car. Remember last time that happened?”

 

All of them burst into a giggle fit. The only girl that hadn't spoken yet said, “Thank God there isn't a stain.”

 

Veronica then said, “Well, it wasn't on me though. Right, Amy?” 

 

Jeremy assumed it was the last girl that hadn't spoken until now was Amy. She was the only one with fair skin, she wore large and round gray glasses, and was lightly freckled around her nose and cheeks.

 

She blushed and shot her a look, “Nuh-uh. I'm the only virgin in the group so y'all better not blame it on me.”

 

Veronica rolled her eyes and she smiled at Jeremy. “Can you wait here for… 20 minutes? We'll be right back.” 

 

Jeremy looked at the car and then at her. He didn't say anything but nodded. 

 

She smiled and said something that he couldn't catch before the car drove off a bit. A guy on a skateboard came out of nowhere and passed right in front of the car. The driver honk at the guy but he was already on the other side. He saw Veronica poke her head out the passenger seat window and yelled: “What the fuck, Ricardo? Pendejo…” The guy just flicked her and the car off and then skated away. 

 

The car waited there for a bit, he was sure that they were arguing and checking around just in case another person does a stunt like that. The car stayed there for a solid ten seconds and then drove off. 

 

The sudden realization that he will have to stand there for 20 minutes slowly dawned on him. 20 minutes of him standing there, alone, no one to talk to, like a loser. Jeremy decided to stay around the same spot but to sit on the grass that was right next to the sidewalk. He sat there and almost considered pulling out a homework and doing it but, again, he'll look like a loser.

 

People talking and laughing filled his ears, he tilted his head a bit to hear and to see the corner of his eye. Of course, Jeremy wasn't eavesdropping or anything, he was just… listening without them knowing.

 

In the following 20 minutes he learned a couple of things about the group of guys standing around there. 1. All of them were showing hints in being porn addicts (Jeremy could relate to that) 2. They used ‘gay' as an insult a lot but two of them was actually gay and are going out with each other. 3. One of them stutters a lot because he suffers from PTSD. 4. The stutter kid loves his little brother a lot. 5. The only girl in the group was the one being hit on the most by passing people and the rest of them stand up for her by saying shit that was probably not true like: “no way, buddy, you don't wanna join this orgy-fest.” 6. The girl will get mad and punch him in the arm and yell: “shut the fuck up, Ritchie.” 7. All of them were actually white and they were waiting for a friend. When the friend arrived they talked for a bit and gathered their stuff and were ready to leave when Veronica came by running. 

 

“Hey,” she said, partly out of breath. “Sorry to keep you waiting, I hope I didn't make you wait like a loser.”

 

That made Jeremy want to laugh awkwardly but he just gave her a stiff smile, “N-No, not really.” The group of friends he was eavesdropping walked past them. The only girl waved at Veronica and Veronica waved back and called her name alongside a witty remark to the guy that said the orgy comment. 

 

He looked at her as she smiled at them and then turned back to look at him, “Anyways, let's get going. The guys would start something stupid and I wanna join in.” The way she said it made him smile warmly and a sharp pang hit his chest as she giggled.

 

Jeremy almost expected her to hold his hand as they walked, but she didn't. She played with the ring on her index finger on her left hand. It seemed to be silver, real silver, and he could tell it was stained with age. It matched her skin tone perfectly, something shining against olive skin that the sun had kissed lightly over time. 

 

His eyes slowly made its way up her arm and on her red top that she wore, across her shoulders, down in between the dip of her back, and down to her waist. A sliver of skin was exposed in between her top and her jeans. As she walked, her hips moved up and down to show her waist and side where he saw scars. Scars that looked like the hands of a beast had gashed on her sides. Claw marks that seemed to have caused pain that had sunk past her skin and into her very being.

 

“You okay?” she asked. 

 

He snapped back to reality, he had been walking and staring at her back. He looked at her face and was certain that she was calling his name. Jeremy automatically began flushing and feeling flustered when her eyes looked at him and then at where he was staring. “Oh! Oh my God-- I… I, uh…”

 

In his head, Veronica glared at him, turned around completely and slapped him hard enough to fall on the ground and she would proceed to beat him up. She might be shorter than him but she had more muscle than him due to her arms being toned while Jeremy's arms were noodles. 

 

But he didn't feel anything, he opened the eyes he didn't know he closed and saw her close to him, a couple of inches in between them. His pulse quickened when she smiled up at him and saw her raise her hand to his face, he almost flinched away to avoid the touch but her hands didn't make any contact with his face. Insted, it cupped around his face but no skin touching. “Come on,” she whispered. “We're almost there.”

 

***

They talked and walked, side by side. She laughed at his comments and he felt like throwing up because he felt so nervous. He liked her, a lot. But he didn't understand why it felt different. It wasn't like BB’s or Christine’s. It was something completely new. Maybe he had falling in love again, but the feeling had grown old because he falls in love all the time.

 

“Can I ask you how you know your friends?” he asked. She looked up at him. “If you don't mind, I mean,” he panicked and added quickly.

 

Veronica smiled, “It's okay. They're childhood friends.” This situation reminded him a lot of the Disney movie Meet The Robinsons where Willis is explaining the family tree to Lewis. “Okay so, the guy driving is Jon.” He blinked and he saw his face and even though he had only had catched a glance of him, he knew that he might fall for him, even if its a little bit, but its a maybe. “He’s fairly quiet but very charming. With that face, who can blame him for being a fuckboy?” she giggled. “The light skin guy is Ray, he's weird and quirky and funny. He has that face that can anyone smile, even the most bitter person with crack a small smile with him.” Veronica smiled, as if remembering something from the past. “My long time friend Luis was sitting next to him. The rest of them I met in middle school but Luis and I go back since dippers. He's the guy who looks like an asshole but is very nice and stands up for you.” They walked past a couple of kids playing soccer on a grassy field, the goalie facing their was saw them and he waved but Veronica was the one who knew her and waved back. She continued to talk as they walked, “Next is Maria Jose, or Maria. She's a bitch if you haven't noticed, but she means well. We all have our reason of being mean but hers are… questionable. She reminds me of a fucking sadist but hey, most of us enjoy the pain. Beside that, she knows when to cool it.” She kicked the ground with her sneakers but continued walking. “The last and not least is Amy, she's the nicest person you'll ever meet. A hopeless romantic with stars in her eyes and daydreams in her head. It's good to have her as my sister.” 

 

Jeremy spun around to look at her, “Really?” he asked genuinely. 

 

She giggled, “No. Not really. She's not really my sister. I just call her that because people say we look alike and ironically, her mom and mine have the same name.” 

 

He closed his eyes and tried to remember the girls face but only caught her round glasses and freckles. “Oh,” he whispered as he opened his eyes. 

 

She leaded him behind a convenient store with cheap and no-longer-working neon light that wrote out the name: Jose’s. The walked through garbage cans and bottles of beer and cheap wine. There they were faced with a wooden fence, Veronica (who knew what she was doing) pushed a stray and loose plank and walked through it. Feeling a bit guilty, he hesitated but followed her. It was a tight fit and he had to scrunch down due to his height. 

 

Veronica grabbed his free arm and pulled him out. He stumbled forward until he fell into her arms. Jeremy looked up and blushed and pulled away in awkwardness. He wiped his hands on his shirt and rubbed the back of his neck as he stumbled a bit behind her. 

 

A couple of meters later, they saw the group, all leaning against the car and talking amongst each other. They were parked on the side of the road, the tires from the right sides on the sidewalk. 

 

Suddenly, she took his hand and squeezed it. She looked up and smiled and then ran. He was taken off guard and almost trip when she ran towards the group. Everything was fast but also in slow motion as well. She was ran, hair fanning around her head, he could feel her smiling even without seeing her face. He loved it. She was all of that adrenalin and hope and rapid-pulse that he often hated but craved to know. 

 

“... And then I told her not to do it but guess what? She did anyways and now she at home, her ass probably beat, and who's to blame? Not me.” Maria had been talking and apparently a long story because she looked out if breath. 

 

Some of them shook their head and said something under their breaths. All of them were scattered around but close enough to touch each other. 

 

Jon stood at the front of the car, close to the two front seats, leaning back with his arms crossed against his chest. His arms made Jeremy's heart leap because he suddenly wanted to be at his side, his arms wrapped on his shoulders, holding him close. Jeremy realized that maybe being alone was a bad idea. Jon was tall and big and looked intimidating enough to either scare you or feel turned on. Jeremy was in between those two feelings. He wore a red shirt with a old, worn down jersey jacket that had the school logo stitched on the breast pocket. 

 

Ray was standing next to him, his arm over the top of the car and his other arm sat still at his side. He had a handsome face, it was mature but also very baby-like. There was no acne on his face, this made Jeremy automatically jealous as he subconsciously touched his own acne-scattered face. Ray was shorter than Jon, but held the same muscle frame, large upper body and perfectly sized bottom half. Jeremy was surprised to see him wearing just a red Polo shirt and a jacket over it with just a pair of jeans. 

 

Right next to him was Maria, her black sweater crop top made her look scary at first glance but when you realized that she’s the shortest of the group. Amy was taller than her by probably and inch or so. She wore the exact same thing as Maria, but in yellow with a checkerboard pattern across her chest and roses on the sleeves. 

 

What all of them made him look back at Veronica to see how her clothes compared to theirs. She was wearing a red top with washed down ‘mom jeans’ and black Converse with long socks. Veronica was different, her body language showed that she was confident but also very reserved. She was the only that wore jewelry without layers. Two rings, both on the same finger on different hands, a gold chain with the picture of a Saint as the pendant, and a couple of bracelets that were stacked on her arms, her hooped earrings made her face shine. She was beautiful. 

 

“Good afternoon, virgins,” she said and the rest of the snickered. “Long time no see.”

 

Amy said, “We just saw each other twenty minutes again.” The yellow girl was sitting on the trunk of the car, one leg up and close to her chest while the other was dangling down close to the ground. 

 

Veronica fanned her hand at her, “Learn about sarcasm, sis.” She looked around and a her eyes shone with confusion. “Where’s Luis?”

 

“Store,” Ray and Jon said at the same time. They glanced at each other and then smiled. Jeremy noticed that their smile was something that they do at the same time often. It was silly thing.

 

The girl in the black sweater leaned in close to Jeremy, he leaned back as he looked down at her. “Don’t worry, Mitchy, he’s not getting alcohol. He knows that Pasty Boy here can’t handle it.” 

 

Jeremy shot a look at Veronica, who was glaring at Maria. Either about the comment or the nickname. He didn’t know. The comment was most likely, maybe because it was true. Jeremy can’t handle alcohol at all. One time back in freshman year, Michael sneaked a beer from the fridge and they both decided to take turns chugging as much as they could. You could say that both of them left a stain on the carpet and Michael was grounded for months. “I… I can.” Those words left his mouth before he could think about them. 

 

Veronica looked up at him, she was utterly confused by what he had said. “Jeremy, shut up,” she whispered at him.

 

Maria raised her thick and dark eyebrows at him, “Really?” She look curious, as if testing if he had really meant it. “Esta loco este,” she said and he was sure that it was an insult even if he had failed spanish in Freshman year. “Alright then,” she taunted him. “Luis is coming here, let’s see if he bought any beer.”

 

The chubby guy jogged towards them with two plastic bags in his hands. He walked past him and Veronica and went straight to the car to put them on the hood of the car as a table. He swallowed as he panted, catching his breath. “I swear to god that I need to pray for luck.”

 

Maria stood next to him and pulled all of the stuff from the bag, “Damn right. You kept the change?” she asked and he nodded before rolling the bags and stuffing them in the pockets of his blue sweater. 

 

Luis threw what Jeremy assumed was a soda to Jon, he did to ray too, but his was blue while the other’s was red. He handed Amy a small clear bag filled with hand-picked candy, she smiled and hugged his arm and began to eat them. He sat a bag of chips for him. He turned around and threw three things at Veronica (which she managed to catch).

 

Jeremy flinched away so he only saw what he threw when she had it in her hands. It was a packet of gum, a can of Arizona Tea, and a packet of Skittles. Veronica stuffed the gum in her pocket, she shook the Tea and took a gulp of it, and held onto the Skittles as she placed her hand on her hip. 

 

He was going to ask something when-- “A-ha!” Maria yelled as she threw her hand into the air while holding a bottle of something. “Thank you, Luis and God.” She kissed Luis on the cheek and made the sign of the cross and kissed her fingers. 

 

She spun around and the smile she had on her face made Jeremy's heart drop, stomach flip, and fall onto the ground. Maria’s face was twisted into a mischievous smile that would mimic the Joker’s if she wasn't the one with the brightest eyes. In her hand, there was a bottle of Jack Daniels, her hand gripping tightly on the neck of the bottle. “You say you can handle alcohol,” she extended the bottle towards him. “Go on, Pasty Boy. Chug it.”

 

Jeremy's eyes flickered on the bottle, it shone in her hand and the liquid inside it was so tempting to drunk. It was like when you were a little kid and your parents told you not to lick something but you still did. That feel grew inside if him as he extended his hand towards the bottle. 

 

He looked at everyone's face: Luis waited, Ray and Jon seemed to be mixed with excitement and nostalgic moments, Amy’s eyes were filled with curiosity, and Maria was taunting him. 

 

“Give me that,” Veronica took the bottle from his hand and held it against her chest. Her eyes were filled with darkness while her eyebrows were furrowed. There was something surrounding her as she glared down Maria. It was chilling and unnerving, it made everyone uncomfortable and uneasy that they stood their ground, no longer leaned or on the car. “Maria Jose, you know damn well that this is unacceptable.”

 

Now Maria was the one whose eyes darkened, “Don't call me that… Ronnie. I just want to make sure that he can hang with us.”

 

“By what?” she snapped, making Jeremy flinched and walking slowing as she and Maria stared off. “You're just being petty about it.”

 

“Oh, I'm sorry that you all did the same to me!” she yelled hard enough to make him feel it inside of him. Jeremy looked around to look at the others. All of their faces mixed with worry, fear, and caution. They looked ready to jump but not to fight but to pull them back just in case something happened.

 

Veronica's face looked hurt but still filled with anger, “That was a different time. We had our guard up after what you did!” She looked down at the bottle in her hand, a hint of sadness flashed on her face before looking up at Maria again. Then, at the group. And lastly, at Jeremy.

 

This didn't feel real. None of this did. The Squip. The whole Brooke thing. The Kiss. Nothing did. He just wanted to wake up and go to school and sit at lunch with Michael. He really just want to wake up.

 

“Oh, now you have double standards!” Maria yelled. “Fuck you, Ronnie.”

 

That nickname, Jeremy thought. This is personal. 

 

Maria’s eyes landed on him and he stepped back in fear but he ended up crashing against the car. “This is all of him, right? He's your new toy now, right? You never settle down for just one.”

 

“Don't bring him into this,” Veronica growled. “You know better, I raised you better. Never bring another person into an argument. Grow up.”

 

“I'll stop when you prove that you can just have one. He won't be just a appetizer, he'll be a main meal for you.” She stared Veronica down but she just glared back. “Prove it.”

 

She fell quiet, thinking.

 

Jeremy was shocked at what Maria had said. Was it true or was it something she made up to just piss her off? But judging by the look on Veronica's face, it was the truth. He never thought of her as someone unloyal or to jump to person to person. But then again, Veronica was someone who looked like she had a lot of issues. She smiled too brightly but her eyes were devoid of emotions; she looked shy yet she will mouth people off. “Prove it, Ronnie. Fucking prove it.”

 

The other just froze in place. Her knuckles turning white by gripping the neck of the bottle of alcohol in her hand. Veronica's face was a mixture of shame but weak determination. 

 

Maria smiled smugly in victory. “Well, that's what I thought you'd say, Ronnie--”

 

In a flash, Veronica shoved the can of Arizona tea into Jeremy's hand, threw the bag of Skittles on the ground, twisted the cap on the Jack Daniels and began to chug it. 

 

“Oh my God,” Amy gasped as the other pushed themselves from the car yet no one moved. They were ready to put their arms out to catch her if she fell or something. 

 

“Veronica!” Ray yelled, his eyes widen with panic and fear. The expression that you would expect from someone whose friends just jumped off a cliff. But she didn't. She's just chugging alcohol. Meaning that this is worst than jumping off a cliff.

 

Said friend removed her lips from the bottle and looked Maria directly in the eyes, half of the alcohol gone. “Does that answer you, Maria Jose?” she said panting, her eyes burning into the other. 

 

Maria glared and walked away from the group and across the street and began walking on her own. Everyone's eyes were on her until she was gone from everyone's sight, then they turned around to look back at Veronica.

 

She was still panting, the bottle still in her hand. Jeremy thought that she was just going to throw the bottle away and get inside the car and act like nothing happened but instead she licked her lips and looked down at the bottle and continued to chug it. 

 

“Fuck,” Jon said while Luis said “Shit”. 

 

Veronica threw the now empty bottle on the ground, walked up to Jeremy, pulled him by his face, and kissed him. Hard. Their teeth clicked together because of the force.

 

Her mouth tasted yellow and bitter, it made Jeremy nauseous but he couldn't pull away, her grip on his face was too tight and he was scared that if he pulled away she might scratch his face because of her long nails. Jeremy darted his eyes around him, to everyone's faces. They looked ashamed and scared and worried.

 

He pulled away but she pushed herself onto him, he stopped her by using his hands as a wall on her shoulders. “Why,” he whispered to her, “are you like this? What made you like this?”

 

Veronica smiled drunkenly and stupidly, “There ain't no rest for the wicked…”

 

***

 

After she said that, her face paled and she ran off to throw up in a nearby ditch. Amy and Ray went to get her as Jon turned on the car. Luis told him that they'd give him a ride back home. Jeremy nodded but said nothing.

 

Both Ray and Amy had to hold her up to walk her to the car but Jeremy found it weird. Ray looked fit enough to carry Veronica (and probably Jeremy) and drape her over his shoulder. But he didn't. Maybe there was more than that. 

 

Veronica was mumbling under her breath, completely wasted and smelling sour. “Fuck… fuck me gently with a--” she hiccups. The rest of them ignored the mumbling. She even said stuff like: “Have I told you all that I love y'all? I feel like I don't,” she even looked like she might cry. “I swear to God y'all are the fucking best--” another hiccup as they placed her her in the passenger seat.

 

“Shhh, Mitchy, we know this,” Amy said as she held her hand and Ray buckled her up. “Its okay.”

 

The drunk smiled weakly. They closed the door on her and Veronica immediately let her head fall against the window in a drunken moment.

 

She looked like a mess, an utter and painful mess. Jeremy knew that he should have looked away in a moment of respect and to show manners but it was those train-wreck moments that you can't just stop watching. Veronica looked nothing like what she did like when he met her. She looked strong and independent with loyalty towards her friends but know, she's a vulnerable girl with commitment issues. 

 

And Jeremy did this to her.

 

He knew it, there was no way to deny it. He did this stuff by showing up. He should have listened to the Squip. He misses her, oh God he does because know he feels awkward and lonely and wants to stand close to someone to not feel alone. He even thought about standing next to Luis but he decided against it. Now he's paying for it. He should have kept the Squip. He wants her. He needs her. All he can do is go home and stay in bed for Sunday and come back to her crawling. 

 

“Yo, white boy!” Jeremy snapped out of it. Luis was the one that yelled at him. “Don't you want a ride home?” He nodded dumb-like. “Get in the car then.” Jeremy picked up the bag from the ground and poured down the Arizona Tea on the dead and yellow grass.

 

***

 

Since Maria decided to run back home, there was room for him to sit in the back. He sat where Ray was sitting, close to the window and behind the passenger seat. He thanked God so he wouldn't look at the state Veronica was in. 

 

Luis sat beside him and Ray sat right next to him and Amy sat at the opposite window. 

 

“Where do you live?” Jon asked, he was driving again. 

 

“Uh, Two Rivers.”

 

Every seemed to snap their heads to look at him (except for Veronica, she can't even hold her head up) when he said that. Jeremy sank a little bit more in his seat. “What's someone who lives in the suburbs doing in the Barrio-Ghetto?” Jon asked.

 

Jeremy was surprised when he said that, even sitting up a little bit to meet his eyes on the rear mirror even thought that Jon stared him down and Jeremy looked away first. “The Barrio-Ghetto?” he asked.

 

All nodded, “Look around you, didn't you notice?” Ray said. And Jeremy did, looking out the window to see what he meant. The neighborhood was rundown, some building not even available to be inside of. All of the buildings were painted in muted colors or the walls were covered in graffiti. Sides of convenience stores covered with gang signs and other things that looked dangerous. There was litter all around, kids running past them as they played tag. Apartment buildings that its walls were growing vines but are dead. 

 

This was the Barrio-Ghetto.

 

“Oh…” he squeaks out. 

 

Breaking the awkward silence, Veronica moved her head to the other side, close to the driver. “Jon,” she managed to get out. “I love you,” she said and placed her hand on his cheek. 

 

He chuckled, “I know, Mitchy. You told me this last night.” Jon pulled her hand away from his cheek but still held it. He was holding her hand. A pang of jealousy grew on Jeremy. 

 

She hiccups. “I know but goddamn, I love you. I love you all. I love Luis, I love Ray, I love Amy, I even love Maria Jose. I…” She trailed off as she panged her head on the window again, still holding his hand. 

 

Amy sighed, placing her head on Ray’s shoulder while he put his hand on Luis’ shoulder. It was strange to see a group of friends to show this type of affection towards each other. If you only focus on two people, you’ll think they’re a couple. But all of them are showing it to each other. 

 

His grip on the bag of Skittles tightened. He shoved it in his pocket of the his jacket.

 

The drunken friend said something in Spanish, it made Jon roll his eyes and Amy giggle. Veronica moved her body so now she was sitting on her side, Jon had to let go of her hand. Jeremy was staring and he caught the driver’s eyes again, he looked away quickly, scared out of his mind.

Jeremy gathered all of his courage and asked, “Is she going to be okay?” He was genuinely worried about her, she looked so weak and fragile. 

 

Amy was the one that answered, “Yeah, she’s gonna be okay. She’s going to have one hell of a cruda though.” Jeremy automatically looked at Luis, looked for an answer. Hangover, he mouthed to him. He nodded and looked outside the window, he saw a store that was familiar. They were close.

 

“Does… Does she always like this when she drinks?” he asked, this being his last question.

 

Everyone seemed to have shake their head. “No,” answered Ray, “she was the one that would drive us home. She was the one that made us breakfast in the morning as she scowled us for mixing alcohol.” Everyone smiled at that memory. “Mitchy hated alcohol with every bone in her body. But then, out of nowhere, she started drinking. She would drink hard and fast.”

 

“‘Till this day, we still don’t know,” Amy whispered. Jeremy nodded, last question, he reminded himself.

 

“You know,” Jon said, “you can ask us anything. You saw Mitchy at her worst, that means you saw the worst in us. As us anything. We won’t hesitate to answer.” 

 

It was strange that they told him this, it was as if they suddenly accepted, as he suddenly turned into family. He looked at everyone’s face to spot if they were lying: they weren't. Maybe he should ask, he told himself. Maybe… After thinking it over, he decided to ask them. He decided to ask: “‘Mitchy’?” 

 

Ray sighed, “That’s her nickname. She would only respond to that name when we were little, she was new to America. Most of us had at least a year or so or we were born here. She wasn’t. We were nine and she would only agree to that name.” 

 

Jeremy decided to ask, to say all of the questions that popped into his head. That decision led him to ask: “What do you mean ‘moved’?”

 

Someone bit their lip, he could tell due to the tension. “Most of us aren’t… American.”

 

Amy then said, “I was born in Costa Rica.”

 

“I’m Salvadorian,” Luis said.

 

Jon: “My mom is Dominican.”

 

Ray: “My grandmother is Cuban.”

 

“Maria Jose and Veronica are Mexican,” Amy said. “Veronica was born there and then moved here when she was nine; Maria was born over there but moved here immediately.” 

 

He nodded, letting the information sink in. “Okay…”.

 

The sound of a phone ringing broke the rising silence. Thank God that Jon had stopped on a red light, he leaned over to her to pull her phone out of her pocket. To Jeremy's surprised, it was a flip phone. Jon handed it to Amy right before the light turned green again.

 

She answered it and Jeremy could hear the person's voice through the phone despite him and Amy sitting in the opposite sides of the car. “Hello?”

 

“Veronica?” the person said.

 

“No, this is Amy. Veronica is… uh, sleeping?” She glanced over at everyone. 

 

The person then asked, “Are you sure she's okay? I just wanted to check on her, you know, the fight and everything.”

 

Amy nodded even though the person she was talking to couldn't see. She realized this and spoke, “No, she's fine. The bruise is going done, make up helps a lot.”

 

A laugh was heard, “I can see where you came from. But okay, tell her that I called her to make sure if she was okay. Alright?”

 

Again, Amy nodded. “Okay. I will do, Jenna. Bye.”

 

The moment Amy said that name, his eyes almost popped out of his head. She hung up and asked, “Jenna? As in, Jenna Rolland?”

 

Everyone seemed confused. “Yeah…?” Luis said. “You know her?”

 

Jeremy hesitated the nod but he eventually did. “I know who she is. I don't want to seem rude but, how do you know her?”

 

He heard someone winced. It fell quiet, everyone looked at each other, scared and worried. Then, all of them looked at Jon. Their eyes on him, as if he was the one that made the call. 

 

He sighed and pulled over to stop at the side of a street, Jon turned around and looked at Jeremy straight in the eyes, making him cower in his seat and in the corner where he sat in. The look that gave him was more of a ‘if you dare open your mouth about this, you'll be dead’ than ‘stay where you are and open your mouth’. In other words, Jeremy was more scared than turned on. “Now you listened to me, and listen to me good, fool. If you dare say anything about this to anyone-- absolutely anyone-- I will hunt your ass down, kill you, and pull your already-dead-ass out of hell to beat your ass one more time. Understand?”

 

Jeremy could only gulp and nod while he was shaking in fear. 

 

Jon sighed, automatically losing that scary vibe but still having a serious look on his face. “Do you remember when Maria was calling Veronica… ‘Ronnie'?”

 

Heere opened his mouth but decided against speaking, he nodded instead. 

 

He sighed one last time, “Mitchy used to be a… prostitute. ‘Ronnie' was her stage name. It pisses her off because she left that life for a reason.”

 

Now Jeremy needed to ask, “So what does Jenna Rolland have to do with this?”

 

Jon bit his lip, “Jenna was one of Mitchy’s… clients. They grew close after the fact that Jenna paid just to be with her. No sex. Nothing. Just company.” 

 

Jeremy was… shocked. He never thought saw Veronica as someone who was a prostitute. And he never saw Jenna as someone who'll pay someone for sex-- let alone if she didn't want sex. Just company.

 

“We all grew close to her, she even visits us all the time Upstairs. That's how she caught the fight between Mitchy and… the other person.” Jon looked at Veronica, who was passed out. He smiled and leaned over to try to touch her arm but she stirred and moved her body around. “But then, I realized something-- we all realized something… about Jenna. She would look at her for too long, daydream with her eyes on her, she would smile and try to be with her as much as she can. Jenna…”

 

“Jenna fell in love with her…” Jeremy gasped, he quickly slapped his hand over his mouth. 

 

All of them seemed to nod, some of them in shame others in just agreeing. Jon continued: “Mitchy noticed this and tried to help her to, well, fall out of love with her. And to be absolutely honest, that's hard.” He shot Jeremy a look that says, ‘you would know’. He gulped and nodded weakly. “Jenna refused to do anything like that, but like I said, it's hard. This caused arguments and a fight and the silent treatment. Jenna was the one that broke it and called Mitchy.” Jon sighs and looks down in his wide hands. “And Jenna is still in love with her. Veronica ignores it but it doesn't mean it'll go away.”

 

There was a long and painful minute of silence that Jon broke by turning on the car and drove off. The rest of the car drive was silent, Jeremy shot Luis a look of apology which he shook off by shaking his head. ‘You don't need to apologize,’ Luis basically said. Jeremy bit his own lip and looked out the window to see some streets he recognized.

 

In a matter of time, he was home. He thanked them and said sorry one last time. All of them smiled sadly at him. Jeremy then looked at Veronica, she was still passed out but she was still breathing. His eyes went to her face, relaxed but also with history of stress in the lines of her face. 

 

Jeremy stepped away from the car and it drove off. He suddenly wanted to wave at it goodbye but realized that no one would waved back. He went inside his house, something bubbling in his stomach. His hand was in his pocket where the packet of Skittles was in. With his head in the clouds, Jeremy opened the front door, walked upstairs to his room, ignoring his dad calling his name, went into his room, slammed the door behind him, and went straight to bed.

 

How did a morning of missing the Squip suddenly turned into this?


	7. Teenagers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guilt is a heavy thing that the soul would almost do anything to do to clean.
> 
> Trigger warning: self harm and depressive thoughts and some suicidal tendencies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi sorry that I haven't been posting, I had stuff for school and other stories (one that might go up soon)  
> This chapter was going to have smut in it but then I backed out because I'm a fucking lesbian

Sunday seemed so much better than yesterday, just another 24 hours and she was back. That she will be back. That brought hope to Jeremy. The feeling of being absolutely shitty and like a flaming can of garbage sank into him the moment he opened his eyes. He stayed in bed, still wearing the clothes from yesterday, tired and aching. 

Last night, he dreamt of the lamppost that the car was parked under, Veronica in a short dress and tight shirt, leaning against the lamppost, smoke, and the bottle of Jack Daniels laying on the dead, yellow grass. The dream was something that reminded him of a fever dream, patches of the dream were clear, some were blurry. He hates it. He reached up to the clouds to touch them but they dissolve in his fingers. He was floating in darkness and then, he was on the street where the car was parked. Everytime Jeremy tried to look around the corner of his eyes, he saw blurriness. He walked around and found the lamppost and saw Veronica standing there, leaning against it with her back facing him. He didn't see her face but he knew it was her. He ran after and yelled her name, “Veronica!” He made his way to her and put his hand on her shoulder to turn her around. Her face made his stomach drop. It was her face, but black goo was pouring out of her empty eyes and open mouth.

Scared, he stepped back and he bumped into someone. He turned around to see Michael with his back turned. “Michael…” he whispered and looked at his long time friend. The other turned around and looked confused, “Hello? Is anyone there?” 

Realizing that Michael couldn't see him was enough to run into the darkness. It's better than being with the other two. He ran and ran and ran into the everlasting darkness. Until he felt himself falling. He fell into the couch of his living room where he was seeing his parents arguing and yelling. Jeremy held his breath and opened his eyes to find himself in the mall. He was talking with Christine and she was smiling and laughing. She said something to him but he couldn't understand her, as if her words were mushed together to say nonsense. She said it again but with a more serious look in her eyes. And then again. And again. And again until her face glitches to find the Squip's face on Christine's body. 

That's when he woke up. 

He woke up in cold sweat, he was shaking and he felt cold and hot at the same time. His blanket was on the floor but he couldn’t move. Jeremy was frozen in his bed, his heart in his throat, his stomach was tied up in a tight knot, and a sour taste in his mouth.

It took him a solid ten minutes to sit up on his bed, still feeling shaken up. He walked to his bathroom to shower. He peeled the clothes from his body to step inside of his shower. He showered in cold water, he felt sticky and sweaty that he just wanted to drown in the water. 

Jeremy stepped out of the shower, feeling fresh but still very trashy. He picked up the blanket and put it on his bed. He changed into a t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts but stayed in his room for a while. He threw the jacket on a hanger and he heard something rustling sound from one of the pockets. Jeremy dipped his hand into the pocket and felt a plastic packet in it, he pulled the packet out and saw that it was the bag of Skittles. With his fingers, he pressed the bag and felt the candy inside it but they were in big pieces. The candy had melted during the heat of his body on the bag and jacket. 

Even though he didn’t eat breakfast, he decided to open the candy and put a large piece of melted sugar in his mouth and chewed on it. It dissolved in his mouth and he swallowed it. Then another. And another. And another. At this point, he had eaten the whole bag and he had sunk so low that he just wanted to disappear. Something empty filled his chest as his whole face felt sour.

He was alone.

***

In a flash, he pulled the wrapper of gum with BB’s number and dials his number with shaking and sticky hands. He felt a burning and strange feeling in his throat as he clicked DIAL and put the phone up to his ear. Jeremy was shaking. Every inch of him was freezing but his insides were burning. He felt sick.

“Hello?” Jeremy jumped when he heard BB’s voice over the line but he felt a bit less alone; but that burning-freezing feeling was still present.

“Uh,” he started and he was tempted to hang up and cry in the corner but he just gulped and decided to grow up, “hi. It’s, er. Jeremy. The guy from the mall…”

BB exclaimed, “Oh! Hi, its you. I thought that you lost my number because he you haven’t called at all but I get it.” Jeremy heard him move around. “How have you been doing?”

At this point, Jeremy’s mind went blank. He had never had an actual conversation with anyone on the phone (such a fucking virgin, Michael had joked) beside Michael or relatives that his mom forced him to talk to. Never anyone in his age-range and out of his circle of friends. “I… uh…” Do I lie or tell the truth? “... fine.”

Jeremy could hear the eyebrow raise over the phone, “You sure?”

“... No,” he replied honestly. It made him feel slightly better for a second when he realized that now he had to explain why he isn’t fine.

The other through the line sighed, “How so? You can tell me.”

Jeremy bit his lip and intertwined his fingers against his hair and pulled it slightly. It was torture that he needed to pull himself together. He pulled a little bit too hard and it hurt and he felt some loose strands leaving her skull and sticking in his sweaty hands. But he continued. “I… I feel like I-I did… something terrible.” The words were pulled out of his throat the same way you pull a fish out of water on a fishing line. 

There was a half second pause, “Like what? Did you kill someone?” The last part was joke but it felt almost a bit forced. BB’s voice was soothing but it wasn't the right situation for it.

He pulled his hair again and despite the fact that not one strand left his scalp, the pain was hollow and blunt. I might have hurt but he didn't care anymore. “N-No,” Jeremy shook his head, “I-I kinda made someone sh-show their weakness. I m-might not have tou-touched her but I was the cause of it…” His throat was closing up and his mouth was dry enough to make it sticky and his voice wavered at the end of the sentence and he wanted to cry.

The pain lost its touch and he moved his hand on his upper arm to dig his fingernail into his skin. “I see,” BB started, “Jeremy, where are you?” The way he said his name made him choke up, and he didn't even care that he was crying and spilling bitter and old tears. His arm was in pain when he began to dig his nails into his skin. It was sharp and he could feel it around his arm instead in only one spot.

“H-Home,” he croaked out. “I'm home alone.”

He heard BB move around a bit more and he heard him yell something and someone's name and then: “Do you wanna come over?”

In a heartbeat: “Yes.”

***

Jeremy stood outside and waited. It was a bit past noon but it was a bit cloudy. There was an occasional breeze here and there but he was holding himself as if it was freezing outside. 

BB said that he'll go and pick him up and that they'll hang in his house until he felt better. It wasn't like Jeremy to be like that, it's actually quite the opposite as the only person's house he's gone to is Michael and some of his aunts’. He stood at the end of the street, close to the stop sign, the same spot where he dropped him off when he gave him a ride. 

Apparently, Jeremy had scratched his skin too hard that some blood was shed. It wasn't a lot that it was pouring out of his arm but enough to see it glisten deep in the crescents he created onto himself. 

Standing there for almost twenty minutes, a familiar white Volkswagen Beetle stopped right in front of him. The car's passenger seat window opened to reveal BB sitting in the driver's seat. He looked as stunning as every, pretty eyes and hair grown only a bit. “Jeremy, I came as fast as I could without breaking the law.” His face and the joke made him crack a smile. “Get in.” 

He did what he said and climbed inside the car and closed the door behind him and BB drove off. 

The drive was quiet, not even the radio was turned on but Jeremy didn't care. He needed to get out of the house that he left his wallet at home and only realized when he was on the corner but he couldn't turn around to face his house. Jeremy honestly thought that the whole drive was going to be like this but he was proven wrong when BB broke the silence: “Are you okay?”

There's no need to lie, a voice in his head said. It was something like the Squip but not at the same time. It was more old and familiar and not coming from and outside force. “No…” Jeremy almost sobbed out. He wasn't crying but he did look like a mess. His face was red and blotchy with his eyes bloodshot and his nose moist. He wiped his nose with the sleeve of the hoodie he pulled on. 

“It wasn't your fault,” BB said in a voice that made him calm down but fidget. 

Now he was crying, “Yes, it was.” He cried into his sleeves. “They-They were getting on her be-because she hangs out with me. Th-They dared me to drink this stupid--” he was cut off by his own sobbing. He was so engulfed by it that he didn't feel the car stop, BB’s hand going to his hand, taking it and holding it. 

Jeremy was still crying but he knew what was happening that he froze for a bit before looking up and at him. BB was staring at him, his hand holding his, and had an expression of worry. “Jeremy, it is not your fault. Let it go.” He intertwined his fingers, “When he get home, I'm making you lunch, and we'll watch a movie. Okay?”

He stared him, looking for something else. “O-Okay…” he sniffles and lowers his hand from his face. Some last tears left his eyes and rolled down his cheek. BB’s other hand moved to Jeremy's cheek and with his thumb he wiped away. This made his heart jump to his throat and all he could do is stay frozen. 

The other didn't mention it and instead continued to drive. It was quiet and calm. BB was still holding his hand.

***

The house was big. Bigger than Jeremy's and a bit nicer too. It was a nice white house with a navy blue roof that stood at two stories high. There was a gravel path leading to the white door, there was a garden set on both sides of the path and green grass that was dealt with professionals. 

Jeremy was such in awe that he didn't hear BB exit the car. He was also startled that BB opened the door for him. “Come on, my parents are out and my brother won't come back until tomorrow.” 

He just nodded and left the car, he was holding himself again and didn't notice until he was inside the house. He wasn't cold as the hoodie kept him warm and he wore a long sleeve shirt underneath. The pressure he put onto himself was for reassurance. “You… you have a nice house…” he said quietly.

BB smiled as he took his hand again and tightly squeezed it. “Thank you,” he opened the door with the house key out of the pocket of his jeans and pulled it open. “Home sweet home,” he said under his breath in a tone that made Jeremy sad. 

The hallway that lead to the living room was narrow enough to make them bump shoulders. But the living room was amazing. It was beautifully furnished with a couch and loveseat, a nice rug under them, and some decorations here and there. Across the couch was a large TV that was pinned against the wall. On the farther left, there was a nice kitchen that Jeremy's mom sees on those home renovation magazines. 

“Sit,” BB offered. “Make yourself at home.” Jeremy politely nodded and smiled as he sat down on the couch. The material was soft and it looked new. Nothing like Jeremy's. His couch had stains from food, drinks, and other stuff that he wouldn't like to mention. The red fabric he was sitting on right now was heaven compared to that. 

BB had made himself to the kitchen to get him something to munch on but Jeremy was just fascinated by the house itself. “You like mustard?” the house owner asked. Jeremy turned his head to see him on the island with a plate and other sandwich making materials. He responded a soft no and the other continued to make the sandwich. 

Jeremy found himself looking at a family picture. A mom, a dad, two sons, and one daughter. The mom and dad were standing close while the siblings stood a bit far away. One older brother, BB, and the little sister. The oldest looked as if he was old enough to be in college, BB stood next to him with his head held up high but there was no use to make himself look taller, the sister was smiling her nine to ten year old smile.

BB looked the most like his parents; he had his father's eyes and mother’s moles. His mother was a thin woman with dark brown and wavy hair and green eyes. His father was tall and suited body with brown eyes that were a mix between intimidating and hypnotic and his blonde hair that was neatly cut. The oldest brother was tall, taller than the mother, and had the father's nose and his mom's chin; and the youngest had her father's hair in two pigtails and her mother's chin and lips. 

“You seemed to be quite entertained,” BB said. His voice was quiet and dark but welcoming. Jeremy flinched when he heard his voice, his face went red and he suddenly felt like he got caught taking pictures inside the girl's locker room. 

His voice got stuck in the back of his throat, “I… uh.” Jeremy thought that he was going to kick him out but he didn't. He just smiled and put the sandwich a long side a cup filled of what he assumed was orange juice. “Thank you…” he said quietly and silently ate while BB just looked at him.

“Yes,” BB started, “I am the middle child.” He leaned over Jeremy, brushing his back against Jeremy's shoulder and chest, making him turn bright red. He took the portrait and looked at it in his hands. “My father is cunning while my mom is wise, they made us. They made David, they made me, and they made Rosie.” His hand slid against the glass. “What about you?” 

Jeremy swallowed his food, “I have no one. I'm the only child.” He remembered when people used to tell him that he was lucky that he didn't have siblings; he didn't have to share, he was loved by his parents, and he was spoiled. In the beginning of his childhood, it was like that but then everything seemed to have been knocked down. His parents argued more than usual, and in front of him without shame, his mother would snap at him and his father was distant, and Jeremy had to scrape his own money for lunch money and school supplies. There were nights, the nights that his parents would argue the most and the loudest, that he wished to have a sibling. Anyone. Older or younger, it didn't matter. He just wanted someone so he didn't have to go through this hell anymore. 

BB flashed him a smile that was a mix of pity and respect, “I see. Well,” he leaned in a bit too close that it made Jeremy's heart jump even more and faster, “I just wanted to do something really quick.” 

Their faces were only inches apart, BB’s breath on Jeremys nose. His blood was rushing up to his ears and his stomach was twisting up in many knots. He was shaking, he was nervous. The adrenaline was making him feel dizzy and he felt his throat closed and then-- 

“Anthony!” the front door slammed open so hard and fast that Jeremy fell off the couch and hit his head on the floor. The little sister came in and tackled BB into a hug that made him fall back on the couch. “Guess what, guess what, guess what?” She was a ball of energy that seemed to even make the furniture shake. A smile so big that it could have ripped her face in half made her face even more red.

“What, what, what!” BB responded, he looked out of breath. 

The little sister responded almost as loud, “I beat all of the boys in the park! I was the fastest and the strongest.” She lifted her arms to show her ‘muscles'. 

BB chuckled, “Really, Scout? Good to hear.” He was smiling and his face was red when his eyes snapped down to Jeremy, who has been on the floor the whole time. He picked himself up to sit up and rub the back of his head.

Rosie looked down to see Jeremy and her face twisted into curiosity. “Who is this?” she pointed at him as she looked up at her brother. In response, BB sat his sister aside to pull Jeremy up by his arm. He stumbled forward and blushed he pecked him on the jaw. It was for a second and the peck was soft, barely something you could feel, he blushed as red as a tomato. 

“He's a friend, Scout,” BB said casually, as if he didn't just kiss him. “I invited him over because he wasn't feeling good.” He shifted to look directly at Jeremy, his eyes seemed to be pouring into him. “But I take that you are now, right?” 

Jeremy blush even more, he was flustered and he could barely think, he just nodded; brain dead. 

BB smiled, something close to a smirk. Not necessarily wicked but sly and innocent taunting him. “I'll go and send him home,” he looked down at his sister. “Where's Mother?” 

Rosie smiled, “She's on the phone with David, maybe she's yelling at him.”

BB nodded and squeezed Jeremy's arm gently, “Well, let's get on going, if not I'll be the next one to be yelled at.” He pulled gently and leaded him out the door. Outside, he heard a woman talking semi-loudly on the phone. Both him and BB speed past her and run to the car, it was both stupid yet accelerating.

Jeremy pulled the door open and crawled inside the car while BB started the car and drove away as fast he could. Halfway away from the house, BB started to giggle. 

“What?” Jeremy asked, confused and flustered. 

BB smiled at him and pulled over and didn't answer. No, he just clicked his seatbelt off and pulled Jeremy by his shirt and kissed him. It was soft but with emotions, nothing like Veronica's drunken and hungry one. Jeremy was frozen, scared yet enjoying it. 

The other pulled away, noticing that he didn't put anything into the action. “Have you ever kissed someone?” BB asked with his eyes shining with something Jeremy hasn't seen before from him. Lust. 

With a red face he said, “N-No, I've been kissed but I haven't kissed anyone back.” He bit his lip and felt so ashamed and stupid. 

Instead of laughing at him, BB smiled with his eyes still filled with that shine. “I'll teach you,” he leaned in and this time-- Jeremy cooperated.

***

Jeremy walking into the house, slowly and as quiet as possible. He shut behind him in a agonizing slow pace to keep it from creaking. He closed it and sighed in relief, and then he regretted it. 

“Jeremy Heere,” his dad's voice boomed from the living room, “come here this instance.” 

The teen swallowed and walked as slowly as he could, his heart beating fast in his chest. “Y-Yes?”

There in the living room, his dad sat in the couch with his leg crossed over the other and his arms folded against his chest. On his face, there was a mixture of disappointment, worry, and anger. “Where in the name of God have you been? I tried calling your phone but you didn't answer me. I thought that you were at Michael's but I called and his mother told me that you two haven't talked in a long time.” He stood up and walked towards him but Jeremy just took a long step back to avoid his dad looking at him. His dad froze when he saw his son behave like this, “Are you okay?”

Something clicked inside of his head when he said that: “You're acting just like Mom,” he said under his breath. “You're acting just like Mom.” He said again, this time loud enough for his dad and the house to hear. 

His father's face twisted into something that Jeremy couldn't identify. “I…” he started and then his eyes darted to Jeremy's neck. “Are those hickies?”

“Shit,” he cussed under his breath and snapped a hand over his neck. BB had left some but it wasn't something that was going to last for a long time, by tomorrow they would go away but he didn't expect his dad to be where his mother once stood. 

Mr. Heere took a step forward and looked at Jeremy, some intensity in his eyes. “Are they?” 

Jeremy tried to avoid his dad's question by looking around the house. Looking at the couch, at the rug, at the floor. Anywhere. “Maybe…” he whispered back.

His dad's eyebrows joined together, “Do you have a girlfriend?” The question lead to him thinking of Christine and then at Veronica and then at BB and lastly: at Michael.

“No,” he said flatly, trying to keep his voice from shaking too much. 

“Who is it then?” his dad started. “Do I know them? How long have you been in a relationship with them? Are they--” he froze and looked at Jeremy with eyes that would guilt-trip him. “Is it Michael?” 

The question caught his off guard, maybe that's why he was surprised and defensive. “N-No! I… you don't know him-- shit…”

His dad raised his eyebrow and Jeremy could feel all of the color drain from his own face. This was something he didn't want to talk about. He didn't want to mention it or even talk about his… preferences. That's why every time his dad would ask him about his ‘girlfriend' he'll just walk away or never answer. Now he's against a rock and a hard place. 

“Jeremy,” Mr. Heere started again and took a step forward, this time slowly, as if he was walking towards a scared animal. “You can tell me anything… just talk to me about it. I don't know what you're going through and with the… divorce, I know I haven't been exactly the best dad but I--”

Jeremy ran up the stairs so fast that he was basically flying. He ran into his room and locked the door behind him and stared at it, expecting it to be knocked down or something but nothing happened. It was too quiet. 

He covered his mouth with both hands, his heart beating, the blood going to his ears and making his legs stiff and buckle under him. Panic and anxiety were making him shake and tremble: fight or flight.

It's so hard to talk about something like that when you're a teenager, Jeremy realizes as he threw himself to his undone bed. Especially when you're a teenager. Because you don't know what to think or is these thoughts are valid or not. That these wants are ruled by hormones or by the honest passion that your rebellious phase opened? He isn't confused; he's lost. He doesn't know if he's valid enough for other people. So what is he supposed to be?

He fell asleep with these thoughts in his head, the memory of heated kisses and groaning in a car sinking into his flesh. The only way he could describe it was to compare it to the scene from Titanic in which Rose and Jack were having sex in the car; with the windows clouded and sounds coming from the inside of the car. But it wasn't sex, just a hard make out session. So hard that the only reason Jeremy didn't have sex with BB was that a cop knocked on the window and told them to go home. 

Jeremy was sitting in the backseat, his shirt away from his body as he scrunched down against the floor of the car as BB talked to the cop. The cop said something along the lines of “I don't care you you're fucking, just go before y'all get into big trouble.” and that's it. The cop drove away and Jeremy crawled back into the front seat and pulled his shirt back on. That's when he go ahold of the hickeys on his neck. 

They weren't actual hickies, BB explained while he smoothed down Jeremy's hair with his hand. Hickies are red and purple while the ones on his neck were small and pink-- almost like mosquito bites. 

Jeremy took it and they drove in silence, his rubbing his neck to make it look more even.

It took a while before Jeremy was blushing at the memory. He hated to admit it but he wanted to do it again. He rubbed his own bottom lip and wondered. How would Christine kiss? She would probably kiss him small and pecks over and over again. Veronica? She'll kiss hard and would be full of passion and she'll probably dominate him in a heartbeat. BB kissed like a semi-experienced teenager; soft yet ready to go faster and faster and there were few things stopping him. He wondered how Michael would kiss?

A buzzing sound pulled him away from him questioning himself. It was the buzzing from the Squip. Was it already Midnight?

The buzzing continued and then the Squip appeared in her glory. She looked exactly the same but different-- more professional. Jeremy felt his heart swell with excitement and hope yet fear and worry. 

“Jeremy Heere,” a voice said as her face was put back together, “welcome to your new and improved Squip.” She stood in front of him.

And Jeremy ran up to her to hug her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, who has seen Love Simon. I want to but I haven't come out yet so...


	8. HALLOWEEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You ready for a Halloween party?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... Oops. Okay, so, you see... what had happened was... everything. I'm sorry.

t’s Halloween Eve and the school was buzzing with excitement. Some people were even wearing their costumes. And Veronica was one of them. She was sitting in the hallway with her friends and Jeremy’s fight or flight reflex went to flight. He felt his heart speed up and he was going to turn around when the Squip stopped him.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she asked. After the Upgrade, she’s become more real. So real that Jeremy has actually grown more paranoid that people can actually see her. He could feel her eyes on him all the time, and Jeremy just wants to scream because he feels like he’s going insane. What if this is just a very fucked up dream? Or what if the tic-tac was laced with a hallucinogenic drug? What if Jeremy actually is crazy? “Don’t you want to say sorry? You did hurt her.”

Jeremy stuttered out, “I want to. I really do. But--”

“You’re scared,” she said, her voice slipping into a trusting tone. He nodded timidly, scared that she might have a sudden outburst. The Squip smiles and pats his shoulder the same way Jeremy’s mother would every first day of school. “I understand, my boy. And if you want me to help you through it, just say it. I need your consent.”

He raised an eyebrow in surprise. “You d-do?” Jeremy’s stomach did a flip as a small instinct in his head told him not to trust her. That she was lying. 

She nodded. “When I Upgraded, I became more human but also still a computer. I understand the basics of human trust and how humans work and what will hurt them. I saw my mistakes and I am willing to change.” The Squip smiled and raised her hand up to his cheek, her hands still buzzing against his skin. 

Jeremy felt an answer gather in his throat but his brain couldn’t seem to understand what it was. Was it a yes or a no? What was it? “Yes…” he whispered, his mouth feeling numb.

Automatically, he felt something like puppet strings tie around his joints. Jeremy let out a small gasp of surprise. He might have felt it before but it never seems to surprise him. His limbs were slightly shaky as he walked, the Squip probably did it on purpose to make Jeremy seem real. He walked to Veronica, who sat at the last steps of the stair before she was officially upstairs. Jeremy talking to her was on the borderline between two worlds. 

Veronica was dressed as a sexy devil, as it was very sexy, to say the least, and sticking to a PG-13 rating. She wore a red and very tight spaghetti strapped shirt, exposing her nice shoulders (was it weird for Jeremy to find that attractive?) and a tight black latex skirt with red fishnet tights underneath that stopped at her busted up black Chuck Taylors. Jeremy almost laughed when he saw the shitty plastic horns on the top of her head but only smiled when he saw that Amy dressed up in a white sunflower dress as she had a flower crown in the top of her head.

Jeremy had a feeling that Veronica dressed Amy up in that because her own outfit was just sinful (pun not intended).

He found himself standing in front of the two and he smiled. Veronica flashed him a smile back, her teeth white against the bright red lipstick. “Hey,” he said, too casual thanks to the Squip, Jeremy feeling her breathing down his neck with a plastic and artificial smile on her face. 

Veronica seemed to know what was going to happen, so she said something to Amy really fast that he couldn’t catch it but it didn’t matter anyway, he was sure it was in Spanish. Amy nodded and stood up, walking upstairs after flashing a nice smile at him. Jeremy wonders why she’s an Upstairs kid, she looks nice enough and she doesn’t seem to cause trouble. I wonder why? He thought to himself. “Hey,” Veronica’s voice brought his attention back to her. 

“How have you been?” he asked her, his hands itching to fidget but they were just stone hard on the pockets of his jeans. 

She gave him a closed mouth smile. “I had a hangover that wanted me to wish I was dead. But besides that, fine.” Veronica’s eyes seemed to be pouring into him as if her soul was digging itself into his chest. It took Jeremy a moment to realize it was the Squip, putting her hands on his chest as he stared at her. “And yes.”

Jeremy blinked, “What?”

She slowly stood up, still on the first step, making her taller than him. “My pride is fine.” Veronica pecked him on the corner of his mouth, leaving a red mark and she then walked away. 

The bell rang. 

***

Jeremy was on the verge of tears when he got to lunch. He wanted to talk to Michael so hard and so much. He stabbed his mashed potatoes with his spork and was startled when he felt someone sitting next to him and in front of him. The Squip doesn’t even sit next to him, she just floats or hovers around him as he ate. This brought back so many memories of his mother sometimes sitting next to him as she though him how to do something or sometimes just standing around him, humming in disapproval once in a while as Jeremy would panic.

“So you goin’?” Chloe said as she shook her can of juice; she was the one that sat in front of him. Jeremy looked up at her and was surprised to see her hair done in small and miniscule braids. And Jeremy wanted to be polite, but it simply didn’t suit her. 

He looked away from her hair. “To what?” he asked, being serious as he began to let his leg fidget up and down. He felt a zap and winced, he stopped immediately. 

Brooke was the one that sat next to him, she smelled like perfume. “Oh, Jake is throwing a Halloween party. We just wanted to know if you were going.” She popped a grape in her mouth and chewed it as she waited for his answer. 

“I…” Jeremy looked up at the Squip. “Did you know about this?” he asked her.

The Squip nodded firmly, “Yes. I didn’t tell you because I wanted to see if these to girls actually enjoy your company.” Her cold eyes flashed at Brooke and then at Chloe, she raised an eyebrow at Chloe’s hair but didn’t say anything. “I was right. They both like you.”

“Of course they do,” he said. “They wouldn’t be talking to be if they didn’t.”

His mother shook her head, “Not like that, dear.” Before Jeremy could ask what she meant, Brooke leaned against his shoulder and he instantly stiffened in surprise. 

Jeremy’s eyes snapped up to the Squip and she smiled an artificially nice smile. He gulped and relaxed at Brooke’s weight on him. He looked up and felt Chloe’s gaze split into him, there was something shining behind them. It was strange as he could feel the name of that emotion on the tip of his tongue. Envy, something hissed in his ear.

His hand went up to the corner of his mouth where Veronica had kissed. Jeremy accidentally licked it after the bell rang, it tasted like cherries and strawberries. Or maybe that’s what he thought it tasted. Lipstick isn’t supposed to taste like something, lip gloss is. But maybe that’s what he imagined what it would taste like if he had kissed Veronica. Yes, he had but when she kissed him this morning, it was soft and gentle. Nothing like the hungry kiss she gave him when they met. 

The bell rang and Chloe was the first one to stand and walk away, leaving her unopened juice on the table. Jeremy stood up and Brooke did with him at almost at the same time. He turned his head to look at her and was met with a kiss… a kiss! It was a kiss on his chin as she was too short to reach his lips. Well, it was more of a peck before she ran away blushing. 

Oh. 

***

Veronica sat outside of the school, alone. Jeremy was surprised to see her out this early. “Hi,” he said almost shakingly. 

She was putting on lipstick as she stared at her red, heart-shaped hand mirror. She looked up and smiled, licking her teeth before. “Hey,” he said plainly. Jeremy looks in a breath and sat down next to her, and she smelled like cherries and fruity perfume. Her head tilted a bit in both surprise and confusion before giggling into her open palm. 

Veronica continued until she left it to die down before staring at him. “I’m sorry.” Jeremy was surprised by that and was ready to argue when she continued. “It’s not your fault. I’m just an emotional drunk. I’m sorry if you suddenly felt guilty. I hope that you didn’t stay up really late thinking that you fucked up.” Her nail polished fingernail messed with her tights. “You know, I feel like when people stay up all night because they laughed too hard at something or they said something weird or did a weird face back in fifth grade, they shouldn’t worry that people are thinking about their mess ups because they think about their own.” 

That was surprisingly comforting, Jeremy felt a buzzing in his chest and stomach. It wasn’t hunger but he knew that his mouth suddenly felt empty. He looked around to see people are mostly gone and then he turned to look at her. He met with Veronica’s brown eyes, staring at him. 

He didn’t know what happened in the in between but he felt her mouth on his, she was soft. Nothing like when they kissed before. She tasted like strawberries and cherries. Jeremy felt her hand on his cheek and then she pulled away, her cheekbones pink. “I like you, I really do,” she whispered. His heart began to beat faster, not because he just kissed a beautiful mess that he just wants to fix and her to fix him back but because he could feel the ‘But…’ growing in the space in between her mouth and his. “But you like someone that isn’t me. And you genuinely like them back.” She stood up and fixed her skirt, “I might feel terrible for liking you and letting you go later, but you deserve the person that actually likes you and you like back.”

She walked away, leaving Jeremy with the slow realization that he broke a girl’s heart. This was his first heartbreak, and he was the cause of it. 

The taste of her on his mouth was as present and her lipstick, and it suddenly just felt heavy and sticky. 

***

“Picked up a costume for tonight, made sure to pick a size that’s far too tight,” Brooke gossiped into the phone with Chloe. “You can kinda see my business but I’ll act like I don’t know.” 

“Sounds nice,” Chloe said, sounding uninterest. Brooke felt something sting in her stomach when she hears her tone. Her face fell and looked away from her costume that hangs from a hanger on her closet door. 

She swallowed dry. “Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked in a tone filled to the brim of worry. 

Chloe shook her head, Brooke could tell. “It’s nothing.”

“You sure?” she asked to be sure.

“Yeah. I’m okay.”

 

“I got a condom!” Jake yelled as he let people inside of the house. His parents are gone and why not throw a party. He loves parties, he’s a big party person, but he still feels a sliver of sadness once in a while. So why not throw a party to make himself feel better? It’s like covering the flu with a bucketful of glitter. 

Chloe walked into the house, one of the many just flooding into his house. “And a flask!” she yelled as she waved it around in the air. 

People laughed as they slowly became wasted. The lights have been dimmed down so couples would make out in the corners or on any available piece of furniture. So many people laughed and partied to the music that blared through the speakers, and soon Jake felt a drunken buzz in his chest. People laughed with him around him, the beer spilling to the ground as they jumped around to the music. 

Everybody was having so much fun that didn’t notice the tears that Jake spilled while laughing.

***

The Squip patted down Jeremy’s hair as she hovered around him. “Tonight is the night, dear. This is what we’ve been working for.” She stopped for a moment, “Are you ready?”

Jeremy shrugged but then cracked a smile alongside a joke. “Affirmative,” he said in a robot joke that went with the costume that he was wearing. A stupid Cyborg suit that Jeremy found appropriately ironic. “I mean… I got this.” A pulse of guilt panged in his chest as he looked at the blood orange and pink sky. 

He felt the Squip stop and plant her feet on the ground next to him, her cloak that belonged to her costume. She dressed like Mother Gothel from Tangled but her hair was picked up instead of the character’s messy bush of hair on her head. His mother stepped in front of him and lifted his face to meet her cold gaze, “Hey, it’s going to be okay. If she didn’t like you that’s on you.”

Jeremy then said, “She did like me. But she said that I didn’t.”

His mother raised an eyebrow. “Did you?”   
He opened his mouth and let out a shaky “I don’t know.” 

The Squip hummed, “Come along, dear. We’re going to be late if we don’t hurry.”

“Yes, Mother.”

 

The music was so loud that Jeremy would confuse it for his heartbeat sometimes. The vibrations from the speakers made him feel jittery and the Squip noticed, making his whole body stiffen and the energy of jitteriness was itching under Jeremy’s skin. He felt like a shaken bottle of soda and was ready to explode. There was something twisting in his chest, the same way Jeremy felt when he talked to the creepy stock guy about the pill; the same way he feels when he’s in line for a rollercoaster. 

“Who’s ready for a Halloween party?!” yells Jake, pouring himself a drink. 

Everyone has a red solo cup and they finish the beer so fast that they are constantly filling it up, filling up until it spills on the ground below. Everybody greeted everybody with a “sup?!” When Chloe, Brooke, and Rich walked in they yelled at everyone, catching the only mostly-sober kids’ attention with their “Yo, man, sup?”

Many kids jumped up and down on the music and bumped into each other, grind to many to the songs, dancing off-rhythm, and having a wild night. There was a strong and heavy smell of alcohol, making the sober just drunk with the smell. Stumbling to the song was enough to make anyone sick. It made Jeremy sick enough to have the urge to step out. Jeremy began to wonder, why? Why put your boy through this horrible treatment when you know that you’re going to regret it the next morning? And the answer was: “It’s Halloween!”

Apparently, that was a valid excuse to put their bodies through mad abuse, they might pass out but that’s alright because they’re Halloween partying all night.

Jeremy swallowed as he walked past many drunk (and some horny) teenagers when he bumped into Brooke, who immediately lights up when she sees him. And he would be lying if he didn’t say that the costume was very strange. Nothing like the other ones around him. Some were wearing angel, demon, horror villain characters costumes-- but Brooke was a wearing something that Jeremy couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

“I was afraid you weren’t coming,” Brooke said, Jeremy’s eyes snap from a curious look. “Did you get my text messages?”

Before he could even open his mouth, the Squip whispered: “Explain yourself.” 

Jeremy did what he was told and said, “I’m sorry that I didn’t answer. My phone died on me when I read your message.”

Brooke didn’t look like she doubted the lie (the truth was that when he saw the message, he freaked out and dropped it on the floor and couldn’t bring himself to answer it) and only smiled brightly. “What do you think of my costume? I figured, you always see sexy cats but no one ever goes as a sexy dog.” 

Oh so that’s what it is, Jeremy thinks to himself. “It’s…” the Squip says quickly ‘vague compliment’ “original.” He scans Brooke’s face, waiting for a slap across the face as he smiles awkwardly. She beams, and Jeremy adds: “Amazing, seriously. I can’t believe that I’m with a girl that looks like you.”

Brooke smiles even wider, her smile shining bright enough to illuminate the darkness of the room. “Chloe said that it was dumb. You need a drink!” she says and then forces a red solo cup into his hand before walking away to say hi to someone that Jeremy recognized but didn’t know the name of. 

He turned around to look at the Squip, who was fixing her hair and then putting down her costume. “Why did you tell me to lie to her?” Jeremy asked, a bit paranoid as he looked into her eyes and he swears that it looks so real that he can actually feel her next to him. 

His mother hums, “What did you want me to tell you? ‘Oh, I was scared to text you back so I left you on read’? You’d look more stupid than you already are, Jeremiah.”

Jeremy winced, that stung hard in his heart. It twisted for a bit before making his face feel heavy with shame. His head dropped a bit and looked down at the floor, already a bit littered with trash from the teens around him.

“Look who’s here,” she purred with a firm hand on his arm, squeezing it hard enough to probably bruise. Jeremy looked up, with tears behind his eyes, to see Christine. His heart speeds up and saw her walk past him to talk to Jake.

“Sorry I’m late,” Christine said, messing with the few strands of hair that began to fall on her face. A small amount of nervousness grew as she walked through the door when she arrived. 

Jake, who had cried out all of the necessary tears during the party, smiled. “I didn’t notice,” he said, meaning well.

Christine’s face fell a bit, the nervousness from before making itself even more present, standing near her and wrapping a firm arm across her chest, making it hard to breathe. “Oh... “ then she notices his costume. A heavy purple jacket and a big black curly wig on his head. “I thought we were going as prince and princess.”

“Right,” he says. “I’m Prince. What are you supposed to be?” Jake asked as he points out her costume. 

She blinks, “It’s an authentic Renaissance… never mind.” Christine sighs with disappointment lingering in the air around her.

Jake stares at her for a long couple of seconds before suddenly understanding. “Ohhhhhhh…” but it was too late. He stared at her, not knowing what to say, the same sadness from a couple of hours ago slipped back inside and some of it morphed itself into shame and self-disappointment. You messed up, his brain hissed, she’ll think you’re just a lame ass. Jake smiled at her, trying to keep up the facade of his confidence and laid back personality trait. “You want a drink?” he finally asked after the long awkward pause. 

“Sure--” 

“Cool, they’re over there,” Jake says and point at the table with all the drinks and snacks. Well, what’s left of the drinks and snacks. He then goes to join another group of teens to walk off the awkwardness. Leaving Christine alone.

Slowly, they cracked up the base and you could hear someone stumbling and breaking a vase as it hits the floor. Three kids looked at each other, one with a face of slight horror and worry but both of their friends just laugh it off and drag them for jello shots. 

Jeremy hears the Squip sigh, “These kids are going to get liver spots from his Halloween party for sure.” 

Rubbing his face, he nods, not knowing what to say but just able to nod. He looks up from his untouched drink to see Chloe walking towards him and he raised an eyebrow at her costume. Now seeing both of Chloe and Brooke’s, he rather is seen with Brooke as hers was more understandable while Chloe’s is just strange. It took him a while to catch what it was. A baby costume? That’s stranger than a sexy dog.

“I’m supposed to get you,” Chloe says. “Brooke has a surprise.” It was dark but Jeremy could tell that she was grinning ear to ear and had something shining behind her eyes.

That made him a bit suspicious, overlapping with curiosity. “What kind of surprise?”

She smiled even wider (which Jeremy thought it was impossible to do so) and grabbed him by his hand. “The kind where you don’t ask questions and follow me upstairs.” And Jeremy did, looking back at his mother who just smiled and waved and then vanishing in a bright green-blue light. 

He followed Chloe upstairs and slowly the sounds of drunk teenagers and music faded away as he followed her even further away from the crowd and into the house. 

And when Jeremy left the crowd, he also managed to missed Rich stop his happy and joyful dancing as it shifted into one of gradually freaking out. People stood away from him, some in shock, some in fear, and some in just plain teenage disgust. Such a strange thing to see the one on the top of the ladder slowly beginning to fall and fall until he crashes onto the ground below with a painful impact. 

Jeremy was pulled into an unfamiliar room that’s big but empty, there were only the bedding and some blankets on the bed. She sits on it and Jeremy sits next to her, waiting for whatever Brooke had planned for him. “Jake’s parent’s room. Don’t worry--” she leans in to whisper, “They’re not using it.” 

Jeremy stutters out, “You really know your way around.”

Chloe nods casually. “Yeah, I’ve had sex pretty much in every room in this house.” Jeremy looks at her in total shock, not expecting her to say that casually, especially with a lewd subject like that. She seems to notice and adds: “Because I dated Jake! God, what kind of slut do you think I am?” She raises her baby bottle and chugs from it.

He looks around and then asks, “Where’s Brooke?”

“Oh my God,” Chloe says after her swing from the baby bottle. “You are too freaking adorable.” She then leans and says in a drunken whisper, “Brooke’s not coming.”

Jeremy can’t help but tilted his head a bit at that, not exactly understanding what was going on here. “She’s not? Then why…” 

Suddenly, she gets on top of him, straddling him with both knees on the side of his thighs as she places both her hands on his shoulders. “Do you wanna hang?” she whispered into his ear as she sits on Jeremy’s lap. 

Jeremy felt his heart beginning to beat fast and hard and every alarm in his body telling him that he wasn’t okay with this and that felt very-- no, extremely uncomfortable. His throat tightened and his mouth felt very dry and he was shaking. 

“Do you wanna hang?” she repeats. “Just for a bit? Just you and me, talking intimately. Talking about our feelings and shit.” Chloe’s voice seemed so innocent despite the situation, as if offering him a drink or if he had the notes for Chemistry class. Jeremy could have never imagined himself in this situation merely a month ago, him being a loser as he stares at Chloe Valentine as he walks to class. Anyone would kill to be in this position. But Jeremy would kill to get out of it right now. “Do you wanna get really deep? We can connect, if I get wrecked, you can rock this baby fast asleep.”

Finally finding his tongue, Jeremy managed to timidly say: “I have to go.” He tried to stand up so Chloe would just slide away from him but after a beat, he whispered in realization. “I can’t stand up.”

“You’re welcome.” Jeremy looked to see his mother sitting on a chair that hid in the corner of the room, close to the bed where he and Chloe were. His mouth went dry and felt like he might cry. He began to shake in fear and his heart was pounding faster and faster in his chest. He began to get flashbacks of her just staring and watching him get… harassed by the girls at the mall. It broke him back then and it broke him even more right now. That his mother just stared at him with judgment floating in her artificial eyes; that his mother didn’t help him; that his mother wasn’t protecting him. 

Chloe’s voice drew him back to her. “I don’t know why she’s so crazy about you. You’re not that cute. No offense.” She began to get the hair from the back of his neck, twirling the strands in between her fingers as she looked at him with curiosity.

He shivered. “N-None taken.” Jeremy feels his mother’s eyes drilling into him, an expecting and strong gaze that made him want to curl up in a small ball. “I should get back--”

“You know she’s not that helpless,” she purred. “That wounded puppy routine? It’s how she gets all the guys. Acts all helpless so they want to protect her. Not that I care.”

After a beat, Jeremy realizes something… “You’re jealous of Brooke!”

Chloe raises an eyebrow but it’s obvious that she’s hiding something. “Um obviously not,” she says as she glares at him.

“T-That’s insane! Why would you be jealous of anyone?” he exclaims with his heart beating faster in his chest. “You’re the hottest girl at school!” It took another beat for Jeremy to realize what he had said. “Did I just say that out--?”

Suddenly, he felt something on his mouth and that’s when he knew that Chloe was kissing. Sloppy with a bitter burn on his lips. Jeremy tried to pull away but his body felt like stone, something wrapped itself in his heart and he felt a scream buzzing in his throat. “Can you make it stop?” he pleads as he looks at the Squip, standing in the corner with her arms crossed over her chest, watching with dead, cold eyes.

She tilts her head a bit, “I don’t understand that request, Jerry.” The SQUIP’s voice was plain, deadpan. 

Chloe pulls away and stares at his face. “Do you wanna stop?” A bit of relief flew in his stomach but its wings were clipped when she continued: “Do you wanna stop being coy? I know you wanna get inside my diaper, boy.” She kissed where Brooke had kissed him only hours ago. Chloe then hands him the baby bottle and whispers, “It’s not actually milk.”

It took him a half a second to realize what she meant, maybe it was the context of where we was or the fact that her mouth tasted bitter and yellow. “Oh…I’m actually not a big--” He then felt the bottle forced into his mouth and felt himself beginning to swallow, he couldn't even taste what he was drinking, everything was too fast and he felt himself beginning to spiral a bit. It was his mother that was making him do this, it was his mother that has total control over him, it was his mother-- the woman that was supposed to protect him and care for him -- was making him do something he isn’t and doesn't even want to do. Jeremy was forced to pull away for the need for air. “Drinker!” he finished the forgotten sentence. 

Jeremy felt his whole body lunge forward towards Chloe, both of their lips meeting in the process. It only lasted for half a minute when there was a knock on the door, making him freeze and Chloe to pull away. 

Another knock but then a voice came from behind the door, “Jeremy? Are you there?” It was Brooke. Jeremy turns to look at Chloe, who uses her hand to cover his mouth to shut him up. “Jenna Rolan said she saw you go upstairs. Jeremy?”

After a pause, the sound of her walking away echoed down the hall, mixing with the pulsing music from downstairs. Jeremy lets out an exhale, not sure if it’s of relief or of ability to breathe again. “If Jenna Rolan saw us…” he says but not able to finish with his scatterbrain.

“Jenna Rolan should mind her business,” Chloe says with a harsh tone and with an even harsher face.

“Brooke is going to find out,” he says. “Don’t you care?”

She doesn’t answer immediately and just leans in with the full intent on keep on kissing. “You’re cuter when you’re quiet.”

Jeremy felt all of his nervousness and sickness hit him and the feeling of alcohol burning the bottom of his stomach and still feeling it in his mouth, sticky like honey but without the taste he loves. “Help me out here, please?” he begged his mother.

The Squip then glitched, the same way that old TV’s did when there was no signal. Words fell out of her mouth as she continued to watch, her eyes large and filled with blue-green code numbers, going all crazy like a virus in a computer. “What?” Jeremy gasped, scared and worried but mostly confused.

“I-I-I am suh-sorry, J...Jerry,” she continued to glitch. “Alcohol tem...porarily sc-sc-scrambles my…” and then Jeremy couldn’t understand what else the Squip but he somehow knew what it was supposed to mean.

“Then why did you make me drink it?!” he yelled in frustration.

He then felt Chloe shove his shoulder as she lets out a small angry sound before getting up from his lap, Jeremy feeling his legs not crushed by her weight. “I’ve had enough.” Chloe fixed her costume, hearing the cheap plastic from the diaper ruffle. She was heading towards the door when it was suddenly being pounded on. 

“Jeremy Heere!” was yelled by the person outside the room.

Chloe’s shoulders shook and Jeremy thought that maybe that was of fear but he heard her giggle the non-nervous type of giggle. “Ooh, the fun begins.”

He stood up from the bed, having some feeling in his legs. “Is that… Jake?”

Instead of an actual answer, Jake’s voice boomed, furious. “Jeremy, I know you are not having sex on my parents' bed because if you were, I’d rip your balls off!”

An invisible pain then hits in between Jeremy’s legs and the feeling in his stomach was not helping either. 

“Great!” Chloe yells back. “Then both of you can be ball-less!”

There was a long, excruciating beat. 

“...Chloe?” Jake asks the door creaking a bit as he leans on it. Jeremy then jumps when he hears the doorknob rattle as Jake tries to get in. When he can’t open the door, he begins to throw himself against it. THUD! THUD! THUD!

Suddenly, Chloe makes sounds that a new porn actress would do. Long and exaggerated groans and moans that were hard to believe by how stupid and ridiculous they were. “Hear that, Jake? I’m having hot sex with Jeremy all over your parents’ linens!” 

Jeremy quickly said, “No we’re not. I swear we’re not!” His whole face turned pink in embarrassment and in panic.

When there was a long pause, the silence was heavy on Jeremy. It drowned him in heat like hiding under a hot, heavy blanket. Jake had stopped throwing himself against the door and all that lingered was the silence. Jeremy let out a shaky sigh of relief, “... Maybe he believed me and went away.” 

A fist then smashes through the window. It made Jeremy jump and the Squip yelling warnings at his ear, making him want to throw up. Everything was spiraling under him, everything was far too fast for him that he wanted to throw himself out the window. 

As Jake pulls himself away from the window, he yells a threat that made Jeremy’s life flash in front of his eyes in a single blink. “You’re fucking dead Jeremy!” 

Chloe pounces on Jeremy, who was somehow shirtless, “Go away, we’re screwing!” 

Jeremy pries himself away from Chloe, pulling on his shirt. Everything in his head, even without the SQUIP, was telling him to run. Don’t look back and just run. He speeds to the door and pulls the door open, revealing Brooke standing in front him, her hand up, ready to have knocked. “Jeremy?” she whimpered, mostly in shock. Her eyes wide and big and all of the color drained from her face. A feather of shame tickled his heart. 

“Brooke!” Jeremy gasps, feeling like a deer in headlights times one thousand. He stands, ashamed and disgusted with himself for a beat. 

“Jeremy!” Jake hisses as he pulled himself inside.

“I’m sorry!” he says quickly and runs past Brooke and runs with his heart in his throat down the hall, having the most popular guy in school right at his tail, breaking one of the most prettiest girl’s heart so hard that the crack was audible, and leaving the hottest girl in school even when she offered what most guys want from her. 

Jake yelled and it made his heart rattle in his chest like a keychain. “I’ll kill you, Jeremy! Oh man--” he said, sounding suddenly sick -- “I shouldn’t have drunk so many Peach Schnapps.”

Jeremy runs into the bathroom, locks the door behind him. He stared at the doorknob, expecting it to rattle like before in Jake’s parents’ room. He took deep and almost painful breaths, and fell onto the floor and slid across the floor and at the end of the bathtub.

Everything hurt. His lungs felt cold from swallowing too much air, his legs were both stiff yet jelly-like, and all the blood rushed to his head, making a headache present.

How did he even get caught up with this mess anyway?

The SQUIP, the fucking SQUIP. At this point, Jeremy doesn’t even know if he hates her or is grateful for her. 

Something heavy fell on his shoulder, and he expected that it was just the shower curtain brushing against his arm. He turned around and expected to see the ugly lime green plastic-like curtain but saw a hand. 

A monster hand.

Jeremy screamed from the top of his lungs and stood up but not running out the door because being in a bathroom with a monster is better than beating up by Jake. He rather sticks with being swallowed alive by a monster than being shunned and embarrassed. 

There was a low growl-like sound coming from the bottom of the tub, where the rest of its body is. As it sat up, all of the worst things that Jeremy can imagine popped into his mind. What would this thing even look like? A face that is covered in eyes and a mouth that couldn’t be completely closed because of how big its teeth were? Or a thing that came from children’s nightmare that sound silly from the mouth of a child yet is terrifying in real life. Or was it like IT from the Stephen King novels, a thing that transforms itself into your worst fear.

“Sup.” It was Michael.

Yup, it was IT. 

“Michael?” Jeremy asked, surprised is an understatement. “I didn’t know you were invited to this party.”

He stood up and stepped out of the tub to be only a small space away from Jeremy, the space they were allowed to have in the tiny bathroom. “I wasn’t, he said, “which is why I’m wearing this… clever disguise!” Michael exclaims with sarcasm and bitterness as he took off the trash-covered costume. He revealed the black sweater with green CREEP across it. 

Jeremy couldn’t help but stare at him, debating wheater he was glad to see him or not. He did miss him, he really did. And he has a feeling in him that was pulling towards him, like metal drawn by a magnet. 

“You’re speechless,” Michael’s tone being bitter yet nonchalantly. “SQUIP got your tongue?”

“It’s.. off.” 

Michael made a face, squinting at him. “Which explains why you’re talking to me.” He stares at Jeremy for a whole beat, familiar eyes on him. “I’ve been thinking about this moment. What would I say to you? I had this really pissed off monologue, an epic journey through twelve years of friendship…”

“It’s really good to see you, man,” Jeremy said. And that was the most honest thing he has said since this whole ordeal. 

His friend’s face hardened. “It won’t be. After you hear what I found out.”

Jeremy blinked, not understanding him. “Found out?”

“About…” Michael then taps the side of his own head. Jeremy then realizes what he means.

He says: “How? There’s nothing on the internet--”

Michael says over him: “Which is weird, right? I mean, what’s not on the internet? So I started asking around. Finally, this guy I play Warcraft with… Told me that his brother went from a straight D student to a freshman at Harvard. You know where he is now?”

“Really happy and successful?” Jeremy offers, unsure of his answer.

A look of worry danced over Michael’s face for a second. “He’s in a mental hospital. He totally lost it, man.” 

Jeremy blinked, a pit in his stomach telling him to be a concern. He swallowed, his throat dry. “So? What does this have to do with…” 

“Think, man! We’re talking an insanely powerful super-computer. You really think it’s primary function is to get you laid?” Michael’s face was just too much, it was too solid and real that it was just so… much. “Who made it? How did they end up in a high school? In New Jersey?” He gestured all around him. “Of all possible applications for such a mind-blowingly advanced technology, you ever wonder what’s it doing inside of you?”

They stared at each other for a beat.

Jeremy finally said, “And I thought Chloe was jealous…”

“I’m honestly asking,” Michael said, looking very offended. 

“Really? Because I think you’re pissed that I have one and you don’t!”

“Come on--”

“Maybe I got lucky, is that weird? With my history, I’d say the universe owed me one. And I don’t know about your friend’s brother’s whatever, but if you’re telling me if his SQUIP made him crazy--”

“His SQUIP didn’t make him crazy,” Michael said dangerously low, the words humming and buzzing in this throat.

Jeremy shook his head while saying: “Oh. Well… there you go.”

“He went crazy trying to get it out!” he whispered but felt so loud at the same time. 

Heere narrowed his eyes at him, staring him down like he had been thought to do. “Then I’ve got nothing to worry about. Why would I want that?”

And unexpectedly, Michael smiled. A sharp smile that was taunting, going alongside his scoff. “I was right: you have some serious Mommy-Issues, Heere.”

The urge to snap and punch him made itself present in Jeremy like a hand on his chest. But he didn’t. He just stepped towards the door but Michael moves in front of it, blocking his path. “Move it,” Jeremy says, already sinking into his anger. 

“Or you’ll what?” Michael said, keeping eye contact strong, showing no fear whatsoever. 

And then Jeremy uttered something that might have been a slur at this point. “Get out of my way. Loser…” 

His ex-best friend moves, both of them brushing shoulders and their eyes caught each other for a second. And in that second, Jeremy could see his own reflection in Michael’s eyes and glasses. 

He stepped away and closed the door, leaving him alone. And even with the school being at the party, Jeremy has never felt so alone.


End file.
